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The fact that you're ignorant of basic game mechanics isn't Paradox's fault, it's yours. As Medicles said, you can use Enforce Peace 100% of the time to defend your colonial nations. You have the option to fight, not the obligation. It's a perfect system--if you bother to learn how the game works.
Enforce Peace isn't part of the peace deal. Right-click the offending country, scroll through your diplomatic options, one of them is "Enforce Peace". You demand the target country end a war they've started, and if they refuse you join the war. If the target of their war is a subject of yours, Enforce Peace is always enabled and you become the war leader on entry.
As for historical accuracy, this was the 14-1700s; mother countries did not have instant knowledge of everything that happened in their colonies, and shipping troops over to protect them was a major, costly, and slow process. New World colonies could and did fend off or fall to native attack without their mother country ever getting involved. Look up King Phillip's War.
Your insults aren't needed, especially since the people above you offered correct information you genuinely didn't have.
Understandably frustrating. Just don't lash out at the folks in the forums; they're usually trying to diagnose or offer a solution for your problem, even if you don't get their advice at first.