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If you still want full control though, I can't help you with because I don't know how to do that, but hopefully my information helps as an alternative.
It requires you to do very little to manage them and they become powerful allies.
There's no "help", it's part of the game.
If you really don't want them, you can choose to release them as an independent nation, then attack and reconquer them later. Thought any new 5 colony provinces will form another nation again.
However, I always thought the 5 province rule was too arbitrary. It should reflect more on total development compared to yours, and maybe introducng "colonial nation desire" as a new variable. You could have estates arguing pro and for too. Just some thoughts.
The only real downside is that you'll need to prevent their Liberty Desire from getting too high, which basically just means Improving Relations with them now and then while trying not to impose too many tariffs or too much Absolutism. Unless they try and declare an independence war, they're still making you money.
(coalitions/AE? nope how trade works? nope how combat works? nope how making colonies works? nope (i mean sure they say how to put one down but they tell you nothing after that) and a lot more how PUs/vassals work, how forts work (in fact this one is NEGATIVE as there is a tip saying "put a fort in every state' which is really ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dumb and i have no idea why it exists)
no need for aggression
my problem is not how noob they are (everyone is at one point including me), but the lack of manners.
The OP pointing that how the game seems "buggy" but many people answer even giving them tips yet no acknowledgement, thank you or even just sticking an answer.