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Which is great, because if you wanted to do that, you would have to wait for the respective ruler to die (the country which initiated that is the important one) or take a -1 stability hit.
Yes they get same negative effects. The logic, I guess, is that they are preparing for the upcoming war, and having royal marriage while declaring a war has also penalties.
Or, if you want, it could be that you have pissed off the ruler, and mad rulers can do whatever they want, it does not have to be all beneficial tot he country.
That is, if you rival a nation you have a royal marriage with, you can break the marriage at the cost of 1prestige and -75relations