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Whichever one of you is acting as the host is having connection problems to the person trying to connect
It's the only way you connect to other players. There are no servers.
What's in game is a "Game List" by region, it's showing you players that are hosting games for you to join. By selecting a game from the game list you are choosing to connect to that player directly (that's a peer to peer connection) and they are the host.
There's no servers to play on, there are only hosts and people joining those hosts.
If you have connection issues to the games you select then either the person hosting has a terrible computer and shouldn't be hosting, or you are really far away and/or with a bad connection to their location.
If a host closes down their game, you are booted from the game because it's no longer open. (if these were servers, that wouldn't happen and there wouldn't be a host controlling it)
Why do you have to do this with another peer-to-peer software?
It is working, it's just a games list for you to find hosts that decided to be public listed. If you want to connect to a private game you need to know the name of it and the password
YOU DONT use other software, it's already how the game works
First note: neither of you should have any mods at all
To act as a host, start a new prison the same as you would for single player
Pause the game and select "Go Online" from there you can name your game, decide to list it public, add a password if you want one and then "create game"
If you chose public listing, that's how you end up in the "Games List" for random people to find you
For anyone to join a game, you go to Join Online Game. You can either browse the public lists (by region) or simply type in directly the name of a private game on the right side and the password. Anyone joining is creating a peer to peer connection with the person hosting (the one that created the game and chose to "go online")
So, whether you are using the public "Game List" or directly typing in the name of the game you want to join (if it exists) it's always a peer to peer connection with the host. There is no other option, there's no servers out there running the game.
Bad performance in a connection is either the host on a very bad computer or a very poor connection between you and the host.
The Game List is just hosts who chose to be viewable to the public, if you want a private game, just talk to your friends and whoever hosts should choose to not be viewable to the public, then you type in the name of the game they made and join them
Do you know if it's the same thing with the DLC? If I have the new DLC but he doesn't...
I know that mods don't work and I believe you both have to have the same DLC. I don't know what happens if someone tries to connect and not match the same DLC as the host.
to fix this simply
A. Pause game
B. Press ESC
C. Wait for other players to join
D. When you see there names in the list on the right you can close the ESC menu
E. Profit!!
Not sure why this works but confirmed it a good handful of times and its fixed the problem, where as no ESC menu just seems to drop them..really odd.
Hope this helps!.