In the style of Dungeon Crawler Carl

[shaon94]

🎉 NEW ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED! 🎉
"THE FOOL'S HOPE: BACKER EDITION!"
Congratulations, brave hero! You've emerged from your 7-year hibernation pod, cheeks aglow with hope and the fresh scent of misplaced optimism. You rush to your inbox, eyes gleaming, ready to download the game you funded in 2017—the one promised in 2018!
😐
BAD NEWS, FLESHBAG! That project? NEVER FULFILLED.
NEVER WILL BE.
Your money? GONE.
Spaghettified into the cosmic void of broken Kickstarter dreams and half-baked devlogs written in Comic Sans.

But chin up! You've earned:
✨ "IT'S BEEN 84 YEARS"
✨ "Digital Stockholm Syndrome"
✨ "Optimism is a Debuff"

Tune in next time when we unveil another exciting update that leads nowhere! Or don’t. It’s all part of the fun! 🥳

[shaon94]

For those that look into their inventory to see what you earned...

🧓 “IT’S BEEN 84 YEARS”
Wondrous Item (Cursed), Attunement required
Slot: Neck (comes with a locket containing your original backer receipt)

Properties:

+1 to Wisdom (only for sighing and muttering “I remember when…”).

Passive Aura: “Time Sink” – Nearby allies automatically lose track of time and start recounting every failed project they ever backed.

Legendary Charge: Once per long rest, lets you guilt-trip an NPC so hard they age visibly.

Cursed Effect: You permanently smell faintly of dust, unfulfilled dreams, and expired stretch goals.

🤖 “DIGITAL STOCKHOLM SYNDROME”
Mind Affliction (Rare), Unremovable once equipped
Slot: Brain (lives rent-free forever)

Properties:

+2 Insight when rationalizing why that update from 3 years ago “totally meant something.”

Disadvantage on Persuasion checks when trying to convince others you’ve moved on.

Auto-Cast: "Refresh Page" every 6 seconds while visiting the campaign page.

Condition Immunity: Logic, common sense, and refund policies.

🌈 “OPTIMISM IS A DEBUFF”
Status Effect (Uncommon, Lingering)
Duration: Until you back another project (which you will, oh yes you will)

Effects:

-1 to Saving Throws against Disappointment.

+2 to Charisma (only when trying to defend your life choices to strangers on Reddit).

Special Trigger: "Hope Spark" – If a new campaign launches from the same creator, you immediately receive 1d6 psychic damage and make a DC 18 Will Save or back it again.

Flavor Text: “You thought it would be different this time. That’s adorable.”

🎁 SET BONUS (Equipped all three):
“CLUELESS REDEMPTION ARC” – Grants the ability to believe that this next update will totally have the finished products release date!

[IsmellBShere]

LOL, A bit of effort there.

Your only allowed to make a post if it is praise, or to insult someone who post different and does not praise or makes a post like this, to call them a winging kid or some other insult, say some meaningless things about some streams and then something about discord, but still no real in-game update for over a year.

How dare you complain or joke about not getting what you paid for.
Opinions, jokes and non-praise posts/replies = ban like the last guy, then they will say, Spamming, Agenda, Threats.

NEW ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!
Silenced Customer for posting opinion and experience on a public forums.
Praise only, no criticism for a publicly sold product.
ACHEVEMENT REWARD = BANNED FROM FORUM WHERE EVERYONE SAYS THE SAME