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What do you mean respect the time of the player? It's working fine just takes a while to sync. It requires nothing of your time you can go do whatever you want while it is updating.
Imagine getting this worked up over an ugly looking optional cosmetic. Maybe it's a good thing you are ready to put the game down. You're even starting in on conspiracy theories Saber intentionally blocking people from getting the helm to appease their shareholders? Sounds like this game is not good for you right now.
As far as grindy this game isn't any better or worse than any other game earning cosmetics and unlocks unless you are counting the games that you can pay $$ to unlock stuff. Play some other games like this you'll see it's pretty much the same all over.