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@Ålpha Wright™ No problem :P I may just try to lug through it until it just stops if I can't find a solution.
Hmm...DirectX should come with all Windows PCs/Laptops etc. For what its worth I am on DirectX 11 and the game runs fine. To check your version go to start...type dxdiag...click no...and the dxdiag window should pop up. I'm assuming you can upgrade DirectX but idk...never had to go there myself.
Also...
http://support.microsoft.com/kb/179113
That article should tell you what Direct X version goes with what Operating System. It also states that some games might need an earlier version of Direct X in which case you can install the Direct X runtime. The runtime is not a replacment for the version you currently have. However it is an earlier lightweight version of Direct X that should allow the game to run (if that is the problem).
Anyway make a list of all the things you think it might be and look into them. You sound like a good detective. Eventually you will find the problem.