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I finally got it to work by installing a friend's logitech F710 on the system (so F710 = P1 and the others are now P2 and P3), but in essence now P3 has P4's key bindings, and one xbox remote still doesn't work (the one that has become P3). It's all very silly and weird, but at least now I can play coop with my brother.
This is very disappointing. Multi-controller support seems to be very lackluster on the PC (for obvious reasons). I think the only thing that frustrates me is that MS released a bloody driver for the remote, including multi-controllers...but you can not set the quadrant manually (like on a ps3). Doesn't help Ubisoft probably put the least amount of effort into controller support anyway (See Assassin's creed series).
its normally the xbox controllers that are the least tempremental on windows.
I posted this on another thread and will repost here:
Essentially go into the game with all controllers powered on, then go to options and select the controller to configure (ex controller 2). The using controller 1, select the button to program, then hit that desired button on controller 2. Repeat this for every button and every controller.
Be sure to hit accept and it'll store this in the game options.
Terribly unintuitive ...but it works.