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From online guides, the only way is to kill off Hua Siniang. Bao Dating will then appear in the world map with improved stats and new ultimate to avenge Hua Siniang's death. After defeating Bao Dating, he will die. So, I suspect you'll never get your items back from him.
Only ever have him in the party in the early portion after leaving Nameless Village, and have never had problems with him in the homestead compared to say with Generals son and his lackeys who will attack you if you enter the same location in the homestead after killing the General.
I guess if he never has to stand next to you two and witness it directly he can cope with his jealousy.