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Edit: Oh wait, this is you doing the Return to Respite, not death. Most of the below is probably not relevent then. I'd don't have an easy solution, never actually seen this bug and I would hope it won't persist, but you could just move back to the original location for reasons I mention below.
One thing to keep in mind, at some point you can make your own portals. You can have up to 24 of them from what I've heard. So having your base close to the realm portal is pretty irrelevant to 95% of the game play. Only very early game do you need the portal in the realm. I only used it I think like 3 times. I used my own portals (I like to have 3, one forest, one swamp, one desert) around 50 times.
Another point is that besides the very early game, you are meant to do most of your exploring in remote realms. That is where you will die most often. In that case you can spawn at a faire ring you have made or at the portal in that remote realm. Dying in your abeyance realm is not going to be very common. I think I died there (and spawned at the cairn by my base) just once.
So essentially I'm saying, this is a very minor bug, but yes a bug, one I know of no fix for.
Keep in mind that there are two of you playing. That is two PCs and also there is a server.
I noticed that when playing with more than one player, the game often had trouble keeping the two players in sync. We talked on discord and often what one of us saw was not the same as what the other player was seeing. So the game has sync problems.
One thing you could try is that you both log out for at least 15 minutes. This ensures the server shuts down and saves its current state. One logs back in and sets stuff up how they like it and logs out. Wait another 15 minutes, the 2nd does the same. Logs out and wait 15 minutes. When you then both log in, I think you should see the cairns and respites in the proper location.
Thank you, we tried it your way and it was successful