Minor Nitpick, But Enjoying So Far... Um. Uh-oh.

[Roy Calbeck]

Big fan of the comics, so I'm enjoying a lot of the details such as the Castle's paintings. Also enjoying the art used for the characters and the overall aesthetic. Haven't gotten that deep into the demo so far, might add more to this entry later.

The aforementioned minor nitpick? Typo in the hints, didn't catch the entire thing before it was gone, but it was in the very first hint that popped up. "Inevetable"?

EDIT: Mmph. I'm still not very far in, but decided to start reading through what Lore entries I've already cadged.

I have to say, and I hate to say, that it's not terribly well-written. Almost all of this comes across as a first draft, quite a bit of it repeats across various entries, and, as often as not, paragraph construction is simply atrocious. There are numerous instances where a comma should exist but, instead, a period is there and a new sentence begins.

The "Intro" and "Chapter 1" entries nearly mirror each other for details, and I'm hoping this isn't a recurring issue as the game continues onward. My take on this is that details from Chapter 1 belong in the Intro, and vice-versa. There also needs to be a bit of expansion on certain key details, rather than what looks like a rush to get past "the boring bits" which happen to be foundational to the story.

A recurring problem is the overuse of BOLD ITALICS throughout, which are used for emphasis on locations, factions, important persons, and so forth. This is perfectly normal - but the same BOLD ITALICS are also used for emphasis on events and emotional impact without a jot of differentiation, and they are used for that a LOT. Entire paragraphs end up reading like a seismometer recording jitters from the San Andreas Faultline.

In fact, a lot of these BOLD ITALIC entries really look like they're meant to be links to some other section of lore, or a cute joke entry. Example: "Heroes can be RIGHT BASTARDS (link, perhaps, to Othar Trygvassen's smiling face), and villains can have CUTE HAIRCUTS (hello, Gil) and IMPECCABLE FASHION SENSE (cue Maxim, the finest Jagermonster of them all; fight me IRL)." Unfortunately, the UI doesn't appear to be designed to allow this sort of functionality, even were it intended to be implemented. Seems a missed opportunity to let interested players run wild with "investigating deep lore".

This all seems to be presented by someone perhaps a bit too close to the original creative juices. Things are said which appear like they would make sense to the author, being phrased in ways that have never appeared in the comics, and which might make perfect sense to them as the creators, but not necessarily to anyone insufficiently marinated in Foglio Brainmatter. An example of this is declaring Agatha has "broken through" as a "Spark", which is then compared repeatedly to "puberty" - without explaining much about what a Spark actually IS.

The goal appears to be Dramatic Narration (which may help explain the semi-random use of italics), but the overall effect is disjointed. Come to think of it, I would like to hear these entries verbally narrated by Christopher Walken, in which case it would be perfect.

EDIT EDIT: The health mechanic is coffee? All is forgiven.

[Stabbey]

Good points, especially about the Spark/second puberty thing. The text could probably use another tightening up.

[Wlerin]

Yeah, my biggest gripe so far is the demo fails to properly onboard players who aren't already familiar with the comics. Hopefully the full game will do better.