STALKER 2 Reviews Delayed: The Zone Ate Them.

[BatSithCrazy]

The Stalker 2 embargo exists because GSC Game World accidentally tapped into a parallel universe while developing the game. During a routine coding session, one of the developers spilled Red Bull on the keyboard, causing their game engine to glitch so hard it opened an interdimensional portal.

Out of the portal stepped a real-life Stalker, who was very annoyed at how poorly his Zone survival skills were being portrayed. He confiscated their hard drives, demanded an apology for the “inaccurate mutant AI,” and insisted on becoming a consultant for the game.

Now the real trouble began. Turns out this alternate reality runs on Stalker lore, and the embargo is in place because GSC accidentally coded in a cheat that’s messing with their universe's balance. Random anomalies started popping up in our world: toasters gaining sentience, cats levitating, and one unfortunate QA tester is now stuck in a time loop where he has to replay the same bugged escort mission forever.

The embargo won’t lift until GSC negotiates with the Council of Dimensional Ethics, who are demanding the developers nerf the Bloodsuckers in exchange for world peace. If they fail, the game will launch on time, but every pre-order will come with a waiver that reads: "Play at your own risk. May summon anomalies or alter the laws of physics."

So, yeah, Stalker 2 isn't just a game anymore. It's a global science experiment. And you’re the guinea pig. Good luck!

[K҉O҉T҉Y҉]

Okay mr Troll, reported :)

[zpc]

Blocked for spreading misinformation.

[BatSithCrazy]

Originally posted by K҉O҉T҉Y҉:

Okay mr Troll, reported :)

Reported? No worries, I'll let the Zone handle the paperwork!

[BatSithCrazy]

Originally posted by zpc:

Blocked for spreading misinformation.

Blocked? Guess I’ve been banished to the Shadow Zone. Safe travels, fellow Stalker!

[MithrilGrizzly]

Hey, maybe levitating cats means that 3am zoomies can be had quietly.