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2) The game is early access. You bought the game knowing that.
3) Don't play on high pop servers if you don't like it.
4) Play offline since it sounds like you don't want to try to get into a group with anyone.
I was fortunate enough to start on server launch for Official PVP and while my first base got blocked in (I didn't know that could happen at the time) I was able to disassemble and salvage the materials to move it in less than an hour (also wrote down a name to visit when I get my siege golem). Stumble on a base on the next plateau over that had lapsed in upkeep so I smashed the walls, built my base, and the next few days the next base was in decay for three days before I wiped it out and built 2nd heart there to control the mountain.
Even with stone gear if you find an area that is in decay (glowing red on the walls and gate) you can smash it down and destroy the base to build there. PVE, I would imagine it sucks, but there are dedicated server options that are easy to get running for no money you can host a private PVE server for you and your friends if that's your goal. Then you can each build massive keeps wherever you want and setup waygate travel points.
By contrast, I tried to join the 80 player PVE server & ran around for 45 minutes trying to find a spot to build my heart to progress the quest and there was nothing East or West all the way past Dunlee Farms. I gave up...
The point is there is no reason to allow groups to have four bases for PvE or PvP, its a massive advantage to larger groups which isnt offset in any way for solos, duos of triples.
Group finder matchmaking, pre-game lobby would be good. The official Discord is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ if you want specific settings, US-W, 4 player, pvp/full-loot, etc.