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If I could drop items for them then it wouldn't be so bad but I didn't notice an option for that so I'll have to look again next time I play.
But yeh, co-op is not quite the proper co-op experience I was hoping it'd be as far as I can tell from my first few hours of it..
I just played through the entire game twice (both players') in co-op, and to clarify:
The co-op player gets the exact same "drops" from random trash mobs, minibosses (the non-remembrance ones) or boss-like duplicates (minibosses that were a boss fight previously), just not any of the placed loot or quest items, or remembrances sadly. You do get pilfered coins and eyeballs though.
You can also drop *most* items, just not spells or quest items, or remembrances (but I think you can drop items claimed from remembrances). We shared consumables and the occasional drops.
It is tedious running through the game twice and going back and forth, but the joining player has the benefit of never losing their vigor (souls/runes), so you both end up with extra levels and umbral scourings (remembrance currency) at least. Also, invasions are dumb, but there's ways around them if they aren't something you want to bother with (dying/ALT-F4/mirror of protection when entering an area you really don't want an interruption in).
At the least, you never get kicked or dropped because the host died or anything, which is really nice. Less cumbersome than DS or vanilla Elden Ring.