I was just browsing Steam, minding my own business, when I saw it:
“30,000 people currently playing Cookie Clicker.”
I laughed. “What kind of maniac plays a game where you click a cookie for fun?”
Then I bought it.
...for science.
...for curiosity.
...for cookies.

Now I AM the maniac.

At first, it was innocent. One cookie here. One grandma there.
“Ha ha,” I said. “This is cute.”
Next thing I know, I’m unlocking portals to cookie dimensions, time-traveling to bake cookies yesterday, and sacrificing logic to appease my grandmatriarchs.

I started hearing phantom cookie click sounds in real life.
I see golden cookies every time someone blinks too fast.
I unironically referred to real sugar as a “limited upgrade material” at the grocery store.

My steam activity?
“Last Played: Cookie Clicker — 290 hours.”
Friends: “Bro are you okay?”
No. I’m not okay. I’ve seen things. The cookies have shown me things.

At one point, the game told me:

“You bake more cookies per second than there are stars in the galaxy.”
I nodded solemnly, like that was totally normal.

My grandma army now produces more baked goods per second than Nabisco, Keebler, and an industrial bakery fused in a nuclear oven.
And I STILL feel like I’m not clicking enough.

The most dangerous part?
It plays itself.
You close the game, and it keeps baking. I left for a weekend. Came back. 87 quadrillion cookies just... sitting there. Waiting. Whispering.

I didn’t beat the game. I became it.

Final Thoughts:

I bought Cookie Clicker because I saw 30,000 people playing it.
Now I’m the one people warn about in Steam reviews.
You don’t play Cookie Clicker. You join Cookie Clicker.

10/10 – I started clicking ironically. Now I ascend unironically.

HELP ME

I've baked many cookies over the years. I love cookies. ‧₊˚ 🍪 ⋅ ☆‧
Cookie is love, Cookie is life. Only the cookies matter.

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