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To be fair, it's extremely well done and, unlike 99% of the troll posts, this one is actually funny, not obvious, and does not reveal the joke until literally the last line.
I didn't realize what they were saying until
Dreams of Fury commented
I realized after rereading it
Check out this player "MalzenoBite69", he recommend this build "Qurio Affliction", pretty effective this patch, maybe not as great as E. Apex build in base game but thats you best you can reach for now, unfortunately.
Read the entire post to actually understand what the OP is saying? Nah.
Read the comments to possibly gain more clarity? Nah.
I read a title and the first 30 words it's time to REPLY REPLY REPLY
In iceborne i used to thread the needle with the glaive, positioning just perfectly under armpits or between legs or under the wing in the air or just over the hitbox of the monster. Since the hitboxes of monsters in world/iceborne were nearly 1to1with their actual body, it meant my muscle memory could grow and i could unleash the most stylish sequences of combat ever that made me squee like a greatsword user whenever they land a gotcha ♥♥♥♥♥ hit.
In rise however, threading the needle has allowed me to notice some significant issues.
Verticality hitboxes are EXTREMELY wacky. You can also experience this in rampage when you're on a platform much taller than the monsters, see no visual, and just... get hit.
You can't react if you cant see the attack can you?
So this makes for extremely frustrating moments since now, aerial combat is alot more potent, your air game has to be treated much more carefully, using wirebugs to extend your flight and boost your stamina, or trying to smash into the monster as fast as possible to increase your damage to get that exciting final wyvern dive strike.
This gameplay loop can be very satisfying but very frustrating, in the same way as you get smacked on repeat trying to counter attack with longsword. You chase the satisfaction but get more frustration than not because of the wacky hitboxes. This seems to be far more common with smaller monsters than bigger too... since bigger monsters at least seem to match their hitboxes on the ground.
Vertical hitboxes on the other hand are ludicrous. I was at the apex of a jump off a mountain wall on ruins, got slapped by thin air, lost half my hp, landed infront of the monster, who proceeded to paw at me during what used to be iframes, causing a cart.
Second thing that annoys me to hell is how the bug phases through monsters weirdly or just... gives up its attack run randomly despite kissing the monsters nose. I've started using the bug as a melee and felt forced to use assist so i could get on with the fight. This is less relevant.
Mostly the gameplay quality of life changes are superior to world/iceborne imo. But there are some key things i miss from world/iceborn such as the diving attack.
Being able to use that as mobility meant the glaive ground combat loop was 10x smoother and i would often and more easier stab the monsters weakpoints with that, doing way more damage than pursuing the current 200 damage wyvern dive.
In short, something is... off, with monster hit boxes.
I've had to drastically change my thread the needle style gameplay style to adapt to this. Also... Event quests are a RADICAL difficulty spike statistically, so you want to save them for when you're rocking endgame gear relevant to them (rise or sunbreak)
i tried out the event magnamalo because there was no indicator of how strong it was statistically (no tempered or apex or anything that tips you off that you need to be this strong to ride)
I compared a rank 8 quest to the event quest. Event quest, his simple running in my general direction was a oneshot. Rank 8 quest, he couldn't even make me flinch.
Maybe i got used to event quests in world/iceborne since i only did them after i had really strong builds setup, but there's no indicator of difficulty statistically. So your struggle might also be this. No shame in taking some time to build up your strength.
Also don't forget you can upgrade armour.
Next up it sounds like your weapon of choice is one of the slow heavy hitters, hammer and greatsword got some really useful quality of life changes to help gap close, land hits, and so on. You have to learn the monsters tells, behaviour, and all kinds of things to make use of heavier weapons. But once you do, it is an amazing feeling.
Assuming you are new to the game what i would recommend is using a basic easy weapon at first, and returning to the training ring to retry weapons after a while because what you like WILL change as you grow.
Monster hunter is difficult for new players to get into because of how weird the weapons feels compared to other modern games, it maintains its old style with only slight changes. So you're almost playing a retro game.
Switch axe and Charge blade almost require you to play 4d chess, lance and gunlance are a very tanky playstyle, greatsword and hammer got more mobility and do biiiiig damage with high risk reward playstyles on all of the above besides the lances.
duel blades sword n shield may not feel as satisfying at first but once you master their gameplay loop they become fantastic.
Insect glaive can seem weird but it is an excellent weapon too.
Hunting Horn gives everyone the warm and fuzzies and will make everyone love you but learning how to play its songs, hit the monster, and dodge the monster is high difficulty.
Each weapon must be treated as its own entire game imo. Or a martial art.
Once you decide on a weapon i would recommend checking out Arreks gamings videos on them to get a full understanding of how their gameplay loop works. I would also recommend re-watching them after playing for sometime since when i did this i usually discovered i was missing something cool.
You could also take Longsword, a simple attacker type weapon with plenty of new options to engage its counter loop that doesn't just force you to use counters now. A freeflowing weapon like this and the duel blades can be a great weapon to get used to how monsters work.
Ultimately this game franchise comes from when games didn't bring kid gloves. They do not baby you as much as modern games, its on you to figure things out and believe me some games like phantasy star online were alot worse to new players.
Rise itself is very easy at first, with monsters who flinch more than fight, whereas hub monsters are still easier than the early fights in world.
Its only once you reach a little bit into high rank that its difficulty gets back to where it usually should be.
So i do recommend avoiding event quests until end game, aside from low rank events.
Or at least just be prepared to get one shot or something unreasonable if you intend to test them.
So bottom line.
Hitboxes are wonky, though not too damning.
Weapons take a great deal of learning, you are not playing god of war where you're supposed to be a badass right off the bat.
Every monster's behaviour has openings and part of the fun is finding out how each weapon exploits them.
Event quests do not have difficulty indicators.
Armour can be upgraded if you need more survivability.
Arreks gaming has lovely weapon guides to help get started and master them.
Rage Gaming helps you truly appreciate the monsters and environment and can help you improve by observing how they play with hunting horn and greatsword.
If you see monkey. Run.
I was about the say the same lol. And that literaly after this..