Deadlock: Valve's Latest Misadventure in Gaming

[76561197998566035]

Let's dive into Valve's latest venture, Deadlock, a game that's supposed to be a MOBA-shooter hybrid. If you've been following Valve's trajectory, you might remember the days when they released games like Half-Life or even Team Fortress 2, where innovation met fun in a way that felt like a genuine leap forward. Fast forward to now, and Deadlock feels like Valve's attempt to serve us a Subway sandwich after Jared Fogle's scandal - it's not just unappetizing; it's downright offensive.

First off, let's talk about the gameplay. Deadlock tries to mash up MOBA elements with shooter mechanics, but it's like trying to make a sandwich with stale bread and moldy meat. You've got your lanes, your heroes, and your objectives, but there's no soul in it. Remember how Left 4 Dead had that perfect blend of tension and teamwork? Deadlock feels like playing Left 4 Dead if all the zombies were replaced with Subway employees, listlessly handing you footlongs of boredom.

The characters, or should I say, the "heroes," are as uninspired as a Subway sandwich after Jared's endorsement. They lack the charm of Team Fortress 2's cast or the depth of Dota 2's heroes. Each character feels like a generic archetype, with abilities that might as well be labeled "Press E to disappoint." It's like ordering a Subway sandwich expecting something unique, only to realize every sandwich tastes like regret.

Now, let's address the elephant in the room - the performance. Valve, known for optimizing games like Half-Life: Alyx, seems to have forgotten how to make a game run smoothly. Deadlock stutters more than Jared Fogle trying to explain his situation. It's not just lag; it's like the game itself is questioning its existence, much like we question why Valve thought this was a good idea.

But here's where things get personal - playing Deadlock has had a physical effect on me. I've noticed, and I'm not joking here, a significant shrinkage in a very sensitive area. It's like my body is rejecting the game's very essence. If Subway's sandwiches could cause physical dismay, Deadlock is the digital equivalent, making you question not just your gaming choices but your life choices.

The community feedback? It's a mix of bewilderment and outright anger. It's like watching people react to finding out Jared Fogle's true colors - disbelief followed by disgust. The forums are filled with posts comparing Deadlock to Valve's past glories, with players lamenting the days when Valve games were events, not disappointments.

Let's not forget the business model. Valve, with all its resources, decides to go with a closed alpha that feels more like a beta, charging into the fray with less preparation than Jared into a Subway. The invitation system? It's like getting a coupon for a free Subway sandwich, only to find out it's for a location that closed down years ago.

The visuals? They're there, but they lack the polish of even older Valve titles. It's like looking at a Subway sandwich that's been under the heat lamp for too long - everything's wilted, and nothing looks appealing. The map design feels uninspired, with lanes that might as well be labeled "Disappointment Avenue" and "Regret Road."

And the sound design? It's like listening to Jared Fogle's apologies - hollow and devoid of genuine emotion. The game's music doesn't inspire; it just plays, much like background noise in a Subway where the staff has given up on life.

In conclusion, Deadlock isn't just a misstep for Valve; it's a leap off a cliff. It's like if Subway decided to rebrand after Jared, but instead of fixing the core issues, they just changed the logo. Deadlock feels like a game made by a company that's lost its way, much like how Subway lost its way after its mascot's scandal.

Valve, if you're reading this, remember when you made games that were more than just games? They were experiences. Deadlock is an experience, alright - one of disappointment, of watching something you once loved turn into something you barely recognize. It's not just a game; it's a lesson in how not to follow up on your legacy. And as for my personal health? I'm considering legal action, not just for the game's sake, but for my own anatomical integrity.

[SHLUMMIE]

This was written by chatgpt lmao

[corzxr]

CAP

[AFK Spy]

Honestly, this game is a lot more interesting than the billions of overwatch reskin games released/being released.

[76561197998566035]

Originally posted by SHLUMMIE:

This was written by chatgpt lmao

If I'm ChatGPT, then you must be best buddies with Jared Fogle and a regular at Diddy's most exclusive parties.

[kingdom117]

low tier bait

[CEO of Cunny]

Reading the post was a more entertaining experience than playing the game. I haven't played Overwatch since before it even re-branded to OW2. Just out of curiosity I went back and realized how bad Deadlock plays in comparison. I honestly have no idea how Valve even decided that THIS was the game that needed to come out. Aren't they supposed to be working on a lot of different projects? Why was this the one chosen to show the audience that Valve totally isn't a shell of its former self.

OW2 isn't perfect in any way, but you know something that's a lot better? The matches don't drag on for 30+ minutes once the team decides to turtle in base. I also don't stop doing damage to the enemies just because my teammates are bad. A genuinely good player can carry the entire team. Meanwhile in a MOBA it becomes near impossible to do so if your teammates are truly that bad.

I don't understand who was asking for DOTA but a shooter, but I guess Valve made a game for all 12 people that were asking for it. As much hate as OW2 gets, it's a lot better than Deadlock. The matches are quicker, the production value is a lot higher, and the characters (save for some of the new ones who are pretty bad to look at) are pretty iconic at this point. I think this is one of the major differences.

After playing around 11 hours of this game, I didn't really feel like coming back for various reasons. The largest being that not a single character really makes me want to play the game. It's a hero shooter and all the heroes are boring.

[カミナ]

Originally posted by AFK Spy:

Honestly, this game is a lot more interesting than the billions of overwatch reskin games released/being released.

Like which ones? This game feels very akin to smite to me. It doesn't really stand out or feel like anything new or special

[Phantom Limb]

Not reading that wall of text lmao.

[EVONiEE 疾風迅雷悪魔]

card game + moba = fail
auto battler + moba = fail
hmmmm lets see what tps + moba can do, surely third time the charm...

[Ionized]

Your opinion is plain dogwater

[Sham!]

Originally posted by EVONiEE 疾風迅雷悪魔:

card game + moba = fail
auto battler + moba = fail
hmmmm lets see what tps + moba can do, surely third time the charm...

mobas are the death of videogames istg
hopefully next they'll do battle royale + moba and they will just cancel each other out of existence

[CEO of Cunny]

Originally posted by EVONiEE 疾風迅雷悪魔:

card game + moba = fail
auto battler + moba = fail
hmmmm lets see what tps + moba can do, surely third time the charm...

Sadly Gaben is obsessed with DOTA so no matter how many times this stuff fails he's gonna keep greenlighting his company wasting money, time, and other resources because they frankly can. It's his business and he can do whatever, but it's really disappointing to see Valve refuse to do anything that isn't DOTA related. I think it's their worst IP by far but for some reason this is where the focus is now.

[kc_shfl]

S tier analysis, couldn't agree more

[Jimmi Stixx]

I played the hell out of TF2 for years. Love some TF2. I got sick of DotA when it was still just a Warcraft 3 custom map. Just broke down to bushwhacking fights like COD. I like a stand up fight.

What about this game should make me want to play it other than the Valve name? Hopping for the best but maybe this just isn't for me.