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so you want the PC to be gendered instead of ungendered? sounds misandrist to me
As for your irl sex, it's clearly taken into account since Monika states she doesn't care if you're a boy or a girl.
Also, it's not that the MC sets everything in motion by being male, it's because it's the avatar of the player (aka not a game character). The story works regardless of the protagonist gender.
If you haven't played it, I don't wanna spoil anything, but there's a lot of emphasis on accepting differences.
Adding a boy inside a group of teenage girls changes a lot more things than adding a 5th girl.
If the MC doesn't actually matter then it should be interchangeable between genders/sexes.
I haven't read the side stories, but even then, I don't think the gender of the character should matter. Characters' gender rarely really matter in stories, at least much less than we think. As you said, emphasis is put on accepting differences, but that difference doesn't have to be gender. It's too old-fashioned to say that all girls are the same and that only a boy would bring a change of pace. I believe that a female protagonist different in whatever aspect would work just fine. You can make a tomboy that clashes with the other feminine characters, for example.
Yeah, I know that, and it's probably the best argument not to make a female counterpart to the protagonist. But it's a remake and pretty much everyone knows that. If anything, you can make an in-game notice to keep in mind that DDLC was presented as a parody of a male-targeted dating sim. That parodic aspect isn't worth being referred to as male for the entire VN though.
You aren't meant to be the MC
The MC is supposed to be your avatar as the player. The devs can always make a female version for their female audience.