Error Code: 50607-10005 R1183-AAA-AAFA

[The Incredible Sniff]

Game is borderline unplayable, I've been trying to get it to work all day. Wired high-speed ethernet connection, yet I get dropped all the time. If I don't get dropped, then the full-bars match I load into immediately turns into a low-bars match with a sub-30 frame rate. Typically I just assume it's just Capcom's servers being held together with duct tape and chewing gum, but recently started getting this error. Usually when it gives me the "start in offline mode?" BS I'm able to just hit "no" until it relents and lets me connect, but this time it seems to not be letting me through.

I've done every fix imaginable, disabled every firewall, run in administrator mode, cleared SF6 on every security program I have, verified my cache, etc.
The only additional bit of troubleshooting advice I can find is to buy a VPN, which we're obviously not doing. Kinda absurd that we're over a year into this game and there's still no fix for this. I've been able to run this game just fine since launch and now all of a sudden it's like it's falling apart with framerate dips, connection errors, etc.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.