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Joining friends have been buggy for as long as I know. When you try to join a friend and get the "server is not responding" message, you still have the IP of the server on top of the window. Copy this IP, then go to Multiplayer->internet games, right click and choose "open IP" -> paste the IP, BOOM you are in.
My favorite way to join servers is by adding them onto my favorites tab. That way I can see what wave they're on, what my ping would be, how full it is, what map, and even spectate instead of join if I feet like it.
This is no good if the friends tab takes a disruptively long time to refresh. Which it seems to.
Actually, "nailed it" would be if he suggested that you open the console and type "open [paste the IP]" and press ENTER. Using the GUI is just .... no, we don't do that. ;)
As covered in item #4, this is the best method I have come up with, too, but it's still lacking. It's just ridiculous that this process should take this much manual labor.
What I posted before. The player in game don't even need to know the ip of the current server. By using your steamfriends and join game, you can always see the server your friend is on.
I generally do not want to sign into friends unless I "have to", due to performance issues, spammy notifications, and simple privacy reasons.
And lest u think this is total madness: left 4 dead 2, for example, has figured out some magical genius way to allow me to see and join friends' games, and vice versa, without either of us having to actually be signed into friends. (Wow, valve team does a UI thing right?! no way!)