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As for what to do, that’s hard to say. I set goals with each of my games and play to my goals or until I get tired of the game. This is the kind of game where there is no winning, no right way to play. You just play. Some people play to get the world map to be one giant blob of theirs where they are the ruler of all. Same play for smaller goals. Some just play to have fun and see where the game takes then
Ck3 is basically The Sims, it's about the journey, not the destination. Change your question to "I got elected president, I don't know what to do any further" and you'll see how I mean. You don't have any set goals other than those you set for yourself. Can this be boring? Sure.
Conquer yourself an empire? Fill your realm with temples? Get to know your sister better? Eat the Pope?
There's no way I'm afraid, it's by design else you'll end up controlling the whole map after a few lifespans. Well you get primogeniture eventually, but it's so late game that oftentimes you might as well treat it as something that doesn't exist.
The best way to handle partition (in my experience anyway):
1. pick the best county (with a mine, cathedral or similar) as your realm capital - you will always get it in the succession
2. build castles - you are able to hold them personally and get full income from them rather than a percentage
3. ...
4. PROFIT
Building up your domain is sure worth it, especially if it's castles and you get full income. For example, blow 1000 gold on a cathedral with 3.0 gold income and you'll start seeing return on your investment in just about 8 years, which is super fast.
Temples can be worthwhile to build no matter who the holding belongs to due to how realm priest works. You might end up covering your realm in temples and getting super rich, but this requires a bit of a specific setup like having virtuous traits or learning perks.
Vassals however only give you a percentage of their income, and that percentage is kinda low - so you'll have to wait sometimes for hundreds of years before you see any profit on your investment.
It's kind of a balancing act with vassals really. Do you want them weak (but also pretty much useless), or do you want them contributing a lot (but also being powerful and a constant threat to your rule).
Moreover, in the early game it's better not to be a top liege at all - just because of how powerful the free 2.0 gold and +15% domain taxes from being someone else's steward is.
Give your children that will inherit your lands new lands so they don't take your titles
Disinherit them
Murder them
Order them to take vows (a form of disinheritance)
Let them take your land, but fabricate claims on their counties and revoke them/declare war for them
Unlock new succession laws that prevent land from breaking up as much (Confederate and High Partition)
Unlock special succession laws where heir gets it all (Primogeniture, Ultimogeniture, Elective)
Don't marry your heirs till you take over; and then only get married once you unlock the "Embrace Celibacy" decision.
Marry an infertile woman (over age 45) and seduce younger women for your heirs. When one of them has matured that you like; revoke their bastardry and have them inherit.
There are many ways to avoid the split up. But as others have said, as long as you only have one top title (one duchy, one kingdom, one empire) then even if your siblings take some of your land; you are still the liege of all your predecessors lands. Not the worst thing and you can roll with it from there.
Which is... fine? I want my ck3 to be a story generator rather than a hardcore challenge. The blood wedding mechanics will literally allow you to slaughter the whole rival family, at this point we are not talking about balance anymore and are simply having fun :)
I honestly wanted to reply to your similar comment in the AGOT thread that I believe mods are supposed to add features and not remove them for the sake of "balance" - but I don't really care for that mod so I can live with it.
Typically you make the duchy with the most wealth the capital and that is the land you always pass down to your heir, and they will always keep control of it. Stuff happens and other lands can go any where but you want to make sure to keep control of that core duchy. Don't split it up, ever.
In fact, you generally want to keep duchies together and them splitting up is a big issue that can happen over time. Big duchies can make for strong vassals that are a threat, so that is something to consider but it is still generally good to keep the duchies together.
You can look at the current plans on how things will get divided. Since succession changes a lot based on government and laws, it pays to look and succession to see where stuff is going. If you are not happy with it, you need to figure out the issue and solve that issue.
One thing that can really mess stuff up is giving land to your children before you die. You can do it, but you just need to be careful how you do. Generally you never want to give your heir land ahead of time, since they will take control of the core stuff you are likely using and if they have too much stuff that core territory might go to someone else, which would really suck.
sometimes i then get overrun by some random guy with 10k units ( if i play england there will be some vikings to come or some neighbour will have a special force )
but how do i go on to try to get an empire if my army gets split, my income goes worse etc. like im sitting there, king dies, army reduces of 50% income and prestige reduces cause my buildings fall into vasalls, my neighbour declares war on me with twice the size of units and land. i just dont really get how to replenish and go on.
for a empire i need at least 3 kingdoms ( of what i have seen so far ) now when i die and got 2 kingdoms at this time, the whole second formed kingdom again will go to a different heir. ( or dont ? )
the step from king to emperor seems like a miracle to me.
Early-game CK3 is essentially a balancing act between having enough Men-At-Arms to win any war, but not so many that you crash your economy. If dying makes your neighbors significantly more threatening than they were before you died, you have seriously neglected your Men-At-Arms.