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The second step is to fix your attitude; the game does not have an insurmountable level of RNG. If you fail a kidnapping, try again. If you're consistently failing kidnappings, that means your Intrigue is too low, you're not bribing enough people to join you, etc. That is to say, if you're consistently having issues with something, it's likely a skill issue on your part, and skill issues are fixable if you recognize the issue, instead of blaming the game and save scumming.
TL;DR: Have self-control, don't be a sore loser.
I realized that the difficulty is in succeeding DESPITE the setbacks rather than removing them entirelywith save scumming.
Im at 128/158, but every dlc adds more, so dunno if i'll ever get 'em all.
When disaster strikes i simply tell myself, "Suck It Up, Princess"
I set up save points all the time. Not to spoof RNG, but where I want to 'see what happens' if I take the playthrough in different directions. Support the Infante, press a claim, or let that be somebody else's problem? Break the betrothal for a 'better' opportunity or keep the alliance they just tried to suck me into a war I don't want with? House feud this time - or not? Those kind of things.
It is a pain when RNG smashes you, that last trait for a promising heir is 'shy', or the last step of your carefully crafted undetected seduction scheme results in yet another Catholic girl who they'll poorly educate and marry off to a nobody - but I take the highs with the lows. None of those things are game over.
Game is supposed to make your life (and multiple deaths) complicated and sting at times. It is far easier to just edit/debug if you're going to go the 'reroll/reload' path to begin with.
Again, in a single player game, play however YOU want. :)
Save scumming to get a slightly better artifact, or to succeed in a low chance scheme, is a complete waste of time. These are minor things with minor impact over the long term. Allow yourself some leeway if something crazy happens, but you got to be strict and just accept it when minor things don't go your way. Eventually you will be able to roll with any crazy thing that happens, but in the mean time don't be too hard on yourself if you load. Just try to make sure the reloads are productive.
I think they only removed the strict requirements to allow mods, but I still don't think ironman should have been removed from them, I mean, people can use mods to cheat yeah, but I'm not sure how that matters.
Then again, every game is meant to be played in ironman mode, save/load was a feature created so you could continue a very long playing session, it was never supposed to be used as the exploit we know as savescumming, turning it into a magic time machine capable of turning every % result into 100% and deleting every bad event from every game.
Back on topic: What's my attitude towards playing with save/load?
Exact same attitude I have towards playing with cheat codes, or cheat modes, I just don't add or use them, so I don't see why I should use save/load as a cheat instead.
As an example, I am, right now, playing on the highest difficulty on Distant Worlds 2, trying to survive as a militarist Gizurean "hivemind" that's not supposed to bow to anyone, and is meant to hostilize every other nation. I just got a war declared on me, it's going poorly, then another empire (human) found me and also declared war early in the game, things are going worse.
I could have loaded the game from before the war started and try to suck ass to stop it from happening, but instead I'm just discarding that game and starting over in a new galaxy, until I learn how to survive in these conditions. That's what I did often in Stellaris too, learning how to survive & conquer my first neighbor on GA difficulty within 20 years of the game starting consistently, it's also how I had to learn CK2 and EU4 back in the day, when Ironman was mandatory for achievements, etc...
Stop choosing to do that, problem solved.
It's not like Xcom where a 99%hit misses and gets your master race squad wiped out leaving you with only recruits or gets your favorite character(s) killed.
In the end it doesn't really matter in CK3, especially now since landless is a thing.