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You're looking for kingdom conquest wars and holy wars. The wiki has the conditions; they're largely cultural/religious. There's also the subjugate CB.
You can take realms without fighting yes but it's going to come down to either a lot of luck or a lot of manufactured 'luck' (murdering people). You're going to have to find realms with an heir (or ruler) you can marry and then get them married to your heir/ruler (with a marriage type that has children of your dynasty) so your child(ren) can inherit from both parents. The AI usually won't agree to this if the child stands to inherit anything, hence the murders. The AI also doesn't understand that heirs of heirs matter so that's another strategy you can use. This approach probably takes longer than conquering though, especially since they changed schemes.
Vassalising de jure duchies should be quite easy. There's an offer vassalage button and that shows you their acceptance score and the criteria for increasing it. It's things like their opinion of you, your title tier, whether you're de jure their liege or not, your powerful vassals' opinion scores, military strength etc. There's a diplomacy lifestyle perk in the left hand tree that increases it also. https://ck3.paradoxwikis.com/Interactions#Offer_Vassalage
there are a million ways to do it, just find one that fits whatever government you are playing