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When we do multiplayer we tend to either attempt world domination as an axis (we are 3 people) or we ♥♥♥♥ around with each other as well. One time I played a leader with lots of + points for intrigue and assassinated my buddies leader over and over again. He was furious but never realised it was me.
But there are also times in which we will reroll a map. But then usually we all made a crucial mistake, a wrong decision or we're just bored of the campaign.
I've played some giant CK2 games with over 10 people though, so it might be a bit similar.
The #1 rule IMO is to never, ever allow people to pause, unless there's an actual emergency, like someone needing a hospital IRL, if you allow people to pause to read events the game becomes unbearable, and CK2 didn't have a fraction of the spam you get in CK3.
That being said, I'm not sure how people could even play it seriously, unless it's a coop, I mean, all plots are guaranteed to trigger, so there's no way to fight back, no way to really defend yourself, if a player feels like killing you and your entire dynasty by following an intrigue lifestyle, there's little you can do to stop them.
I understand some people love it, but truth is the time you play CK3 alone, versus time you play CK3 in multiplayer is very limited.
While the game might be awesome in multiplayer if people want to play real vassals and the ruler is fair.
But with so many world conquering rulers players it already is a mess.
But heck am not against people playing multiplayer if they like it.
So each their own. don't think CK3 or any of Paradox serie are ever going to be gaining the status and reknown for multiplayer games.
Set a goal and work towards it, coordinated your goals so you don't step on each others toes or go in blind and maybe end up poking at each other alittle.
Tell them they are the rulers and let them mess up, they can't do worst then the CK3 AI :P
And you just support them as vassal. is the easiest way to get them involved.
Just watch them go mad with power, and tries war beyond their reach, begging you for help when you say nope, sorry my liege but I am out of resources and men :P (since they can't read anyway)