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If anything, a ruler would gain legitimacy when marrying a wife from a higher ranked family (e.g. Emir / Sultan marrying a close relative of the Caliph).
Losing legitimacy from having lovers is absolutely insane. Some of the most famous kings and emperors were also known for their love affairs. See here
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frederick_II,_Holy_Roman_Emperor#Mistresses_and_illegitimate_issue
i could win 500 in a row with no legitimacy but one loss is -50. Additionally, plagues drive me insane as I work 10 years to increase it back to the baseline, but all that work is gone after a single plague.
The question is, why is such a crap mechanic going against common sense.
Perhaps anyone can explain why being exposed in a lover affair reduces legitimacy?
The only issue would be wether the ruler and the heir are of legitimate origin. So is the heir really his father's son and not a cuckold child. Or is the heir from a legitimate relationship (depending on customs).
A sovereign would under no circumstances be questioned in his legitimacy just because he has maitresses. Quite the opposite, it would be expected from many as a display of manliness and virility.
In turn, winning an aggressive war of conquest increases legitimacy.
How? Why? Being an usurper does make you illegitimate. Even if "might makes right" is the agenda, it would take generations for subjects to accept a foreign ruler who stole their lands in an unjust war.
War is cheaper. It costs me 800 gold to host a grand tournament with 3 events. Meanwhile I can start a war, crush my opponent in single battle (stack wiping even), capture the ruler and gain +100 legitimacy for my "efforts". Probably spent less than 50 gold in that war. Maybe I didn't even really *want* the territory, I just had to do something quick to raise my legitimacy because my powerful vassals hated me.
Also landing your heirs now is even more dangerous because I landed my son and he had 0/5 legitimacy before he inherited the kingdom, and I'm like, "What the F'k did you do?"
I would think that a king who manages to keep his kingdom at peace—under most circumstances—should receive a yearly uptick (unless you have a warmongering religion, in which case proving your might by crushing helpless one-county neighbors would more logically be a preferred method of increasing legitimacy).
That Legitimacy is a static one dimensional value rather than an accumulation of overall history makes it feel really tacked on and forcing meta-specific play, small wonder the AI struggles with it too, unless tribal since tribals never have a problem with it (hell a 1 year old kid can be 4/5 king of tribal Scotland upon succession).
Even if they don't ultimately expand on it, some basic balancing would at least be enough to offset the silliness the current system generates, for the AI's sake if nothing else.
"Ah i've been given such a beautiful son, i'm sure he'll make a fine ruler."
The literal child:
"Sorry father but your not cool enough to own these lands you've had your whole life."
"Me and my 5 new born brothers are taking your claims."