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However you cannot give him just the duchy titles if he doesn't have any counties within those duchies. Because of the "de jure requirement" game rule, the titles would be automatically destroyed.
If you allow for vassal wars, give them to counts of powerful vassals. Weakens the vassal and preoccupies everyone with murdering each other for the territory.
Well I am getting the hang of things with this game so I am not sure what I should do with them. I figured keeping them in the family name meant that others couldn't claim them or would give some kind of prestige bonus (these are assumptions, I have no idea).
Is destroying them a better option then?
Giving them to vassals means those vassals gain power... powerful vassals are where civil wars start right?
You are right, seems like whenever I give duchies over they also receive the county titles.
The Castle Keepers Tradition and the Renown from the Royal Court are too powerful.
And this after only 20 years ingame.
You can keep powerful vassals in check with alliances, either negotiated or through marriage. Any character who is is allied to you cannot join a faction. Same for characters you have a strong hook on and characters you befriended (lovers, and soulmates as well I think). The befriend scheme is normally locked behind the befriend perk but there is an hilariously overpowered tradition called "Ritualised Friendship" that just unlocks it for every character of your culture.
You can actually select which lands are granted with a title, you only need to grant a single county, not all of them. I tend to hand them to random nobles of my culture (or the local culture if I plan on hybridizing cultures) and then pick the one with the best skills/traits to get the duchy with the others becoming vassals. This will eventually result in the duke attempting to revoke titles up to his domain limit which results in a tyranny war and him being deposed. Keeps them busy for a while. If you plan on just "storing" a title for later, search if you've a character with the Eunuch trait.
Renown from family members is negligible, the royal court went totally overboard with how much renown is generated.
And the tradition "Ritualised Friendship" can be used to make all your vassals, your friends and after your character has died, your new character gets an opinion bonus, who is calculated with the total opinion of the vassal of your old character.
If a vassal has enough land the create a dukedom, they'll create it anyways. So, while, yes you'll get a more powerful vassal (and less money/manpower from the holdings), the trade off is stability (in that the vassal no longer hates you) and it simplifies interactions (1 duke is easier to manage than 3 or 5 counts). Every choice can be for a good reason, so don't feel like there's only one way to play the game.
Alternatively, if I hold none of the counties in the duchy personally, I find the Count of the duchy capital county and give it to them.
dont destroy them it cost prestige, give them to AI who dont own the title they will destroy. let them use their prestige.