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That's what ive already been doing since launch but right now I'm trying ironman and it's not an option. Plus we shouldn't have to download a cheat mod for something like this.
Yeah true, wish there was an ingame option to recall a dynasty member. Give them a -10 to -20 approval rating and maybe have them take 1-2 months to recall, and now its a game mechanic.
The problem is not usually with dynasty members, because you can use dynasty head hooks on them or can sometimes convince them to come back.
The problem is with the wives of your dynasty members. They'll pretty much always refuse to join your court and you can't use hooks on them. Hell, I've ever seen some wives move out of diplomatic range, removing the option to recall them altogether. One of the ways to fix this is give land to the husband of the stranded wife, this immediately recalls the wife into the husband's court.
Problem once again arises if you don't want/have any land to give. Most importantly with your heir, which I never ever under any circumstances allow to become a ruler before I control them.
It's just so annoying that issues like this are still present 2 years after release.
I'll let others go over the historical inaccuracy of the vast majority of women even having the freedom of being allowed to make a decision like that for themselves in the first place, as some people seem to get triggered at the very notion. But the idea that the dutifully married spouse of a future king or emperor is considered as no less important than some random, unmarried, family-less low noble in this regard is just ludicrous. From what I've experienced they're much more likely to stay if they have a child first, but if you don't get any luck in that regard for the first couple years then it's like they suddenly forgot how marriage works, regardless of their opinion of their own spouse.
I've even gotten the event for "this courtier has announced they're leaving unless you press their claim in one year" for my primary heir's wife - which arguably shouldn't happen for Christian (or any male-dominated religions, actually) females in the first place, as with the game mechanics already in place you're not even permitted to land them or press their claims unless they're already landed or their claims happen to be ruled by another female at the time. It shouldn't need to be stated that, when a member of medieval royalty marries a woman who has claims, it's generally assumed that they plan on having children who inherit those claims. And that's besides the fact that landing your spouse is almost always a bad thing because you lose out on the skill bonuses they otherwise give you.
It would be good that if you have a serious problem with succession that you can call in some bastards or other options or even have an intrigue play where you pass some random commoner off as a long lost cousin.
A tether would be good, even if you have to pay them a little gold each month just so they have a reason to stay. You could make up a court title for them, as an example. I've had lovers that this would be useful for (but I'd actually like it if Paradox made a mistress option in addition to concubines).
Have to put big warning here - if you use something like Daddy Pika's mod "Add to Court" on any NPC who is wandering, guest or visiting, the NPC bugs out permanently. They will be at your court and under your command for the purpose of marriage etc, but they won't be available for court positions and other things. IIRC this would also block the spouse from working in the spouse slot on the council.
The proper cheat would be to give you a weak hook on them, then use the hook to invite them instantly to your court.
Or, even better and legit - give your daughter-in-law a random court position. These don't have negative effects with low aptitude (obviously not body guard, food taster etc).
Nope. I always avoid wives that can inherit anything or are in the line of succession (unless i specifically want claims)
It's extremely easy to reproduce this in my experience: simply marry one of your female courtiers to one of your unlanded male courtiers like a heir that doesn't have any titles yet. Then wait perhaps 1 year.
Then check on the location of the wife of said courtier, chances are they are "wandering" in a foreign court somewhere.
I can take screenshots if you wish.