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So basically prior to succession, land them if you can (not too early but some time to build up prestige), otherwise ensure the heir receives the lion share of the most powerful territory in your previous ruler's personal domain. Marry off relevant relatives to vassals who your biggest internal threats (even betrothal alliances work) to buy yourself some time, and improve relations via council tasks and personal schemes for those who aren't too disloyal.
Overall however, just be prepared for cleaning the house each time a ruler dies. Even if they aren't overthrowing your dynasty, every ruler beneath you wants to limit your power over them. If they are unreasonable, provoke them, defeat them, remove their holdings (and all others who rebel too) and uplift a nobody into their former demesne. The newly minted nobles will be more loyal to you if you choose them correctly.
Do note that foreign allies are unreliable for internal struggles, so make sure you can stand alone once all other considerations are made. When in doubt, money, mercenaries, weak cowardly vassals, and spare relatives will save your throne.
Beyond that, now that we have Royal Court, you should keep your court grandeur maxed out at all times because that also gives you a opinion bonus if your court grandeur exceed expectations.
above and beyond that, make sure your duchies and counties are divided to your vassals according to their de jure titles. Vassals really hate it when someone else except them holds a title that is de jure or their own.
above and beyond that, make sure you are always the strongest in your realm, max out your men at arms, make sure you hold the most and best counties so that your vassals will stay on their toes.
make sure 1 or two years before your ruler dies that you save up your gold for bribes, parties and the like so that once your heir takes over he can quickly give himself a huge boost to vassal opinion by making it rain.
It bears mentioning that vassal management is exactly why the stewardship focus is by far the most useful tree, there's an entire tree dedicated to vassal management and appeasement that once maxed out just flat out gives a +30 to vassal opinion.
Really as boring as it may sound, beyond the first and maybe second ruler the way to go is to focus first on stewardship max out the vassal management and the architect trees, then jump into learning and finish out the health focus tree. Then you get long reigned rulers who depart with maxed out vassal opinion and huge coffers of gold
do that every ruler.
Avoid heirs with sinful traits like sadistic. (example sadistic give -35 opinion penalty whole realm if playing christian faiths).
Put your marshal focus to increase levies that increases threshold.
Look at your vassals feudal contracts that are in faction to throw you to the ditch. Lower taxes, levies if they are in extreme, to lower their opinion penalties.
High and absolute crow authority gives opinion penalties lower authority temporarily you can raise it back up later.
When heir takes the throne you can marry off any siblings to the most powerful members of a faction and ally them. They will drop out of the faction. Can even betroth family then break it later if you wish before they come of age. You will have the realm in control after a few years.
Byzantium Imploded
It's been a while since I launched that save. However I didn't see any positive opinion bonus on my vassals on my new Ruler, despite old ruler having stable 100 opinion on everyone. The new ruler imidiately had -50/-70 on everyone. Yes some negative came from high crown authority, some also came from "short reign" and "wants a seat on a council" (Probably the dumbest negative opinion modifier when person wanting it is weak...)
Anyway, it's really dumb that all of then decided to hate the new ruler and immediately join a faction against me, at least they should add some RNG factor to getting those negative modifiers.. realistically irl not everyone would hate the new ruler.
Cool tricks, I might have to use them. I wish there was an option, to improve those relations before heir takes the throne. Like during "call hunt" there could be 10% chance that heir somehow gains positive opinion among vassals (and not me) by for example showing excellent hunting skills or some kind of "army maneuver training" decision for heir in which you can have 20% chance for heir to show excellent leadership skills and gain some positive opinion.
Don't get me wrong. I like when plans go to bin and you have to think fast before everything collapses. Yes heir could die, yes rebelion still can happen, but why make it a constant factor of the gameplay ?
Which leads to another point, vassals are only worthwhile if they're actually bringing you enough gold for the trouble - levies are mostly irrelevant as far as battles go anyway. This means while it's worth it to be King of France - it's not worth it to be Tsar of Russia. My last game I had like 10 gold income from the whole empire, went feudal, started building up Kyiv, gave up basically the whole empire but my duchy but ended with the same gold income of 10 from county development. Protecting vassals that bring in a princely sum of 0.1 gold is just not worth it. So is investing into building up their counties since the amount they kick back is too small to justify the investment, so it would just end up making them stronger.
To be honest, my most powerful and stable realm was when I started in a diamond mine county in India. That alone gave me more gold than a couple underdeveloped empires and basically enabled me to do what I want as I had army for it.
Being a bully aka dread ruler is also a fun way to play because it keeps the sheer amount of vassal bs in check. Make no mistake though, you still need to have your rule backed with a solid military. I have fond memories of Russian Empire I ran through fear and torture. Rebellions still happened of course, and the realm was poor to have a good army. But I was allied to Byzantium superpower through Orthodoxy, and it was sending doomstacks to fight my internal wars for me all the time.