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Male cos you can make more kids that way, especially if you can have concubines.
Having lots of kids is important because it prevents game overs from unlucky deaths and gives more bloodline points.
There is no wrong approach for this matter, its a matter of preference. I prefer starting earlier so my ruler lives longer, at the beginning things are relatively simple, but get progressively harder if for example your ruler forges a kingdom, you want your first ruler to stay in power as long as possible to tie up loose ends like insubordinate vassals that your heir might inherit.
The game isn't tuned to the point where you really need to analyze the tradeoffs of perks vs years lived. It just isn't hard enough or punishing enough such that if you chose incorrectly you would feel a difference. As long as your culture and faith match most of your starting vassals then you can get by just fine. And even if your culture/faith don't match, which I have done on purpose, even then it's not necessarily hard either if you're willing to grant people independence when they revolt and just hold onto a few key territories as you build slowly up.
When I do a custom ruler, I just give it 1 x genius, 1 x pretty, 1 x hale (this activates the Strong Blood decision) with no negative inheritable traits, and I downgrade prowess to get under the 400 cap if need be since I don't really intend to be dueling or fighting in armies myself anyways. The rest is a wash to me.
1. Earning perks (below age 18) > Free perks (age 18+), and that is because a perk is always worth less than the opportunity cost of spending 3 years of a starting ruler's total lifespan for getting each additional perk.
2. Maximizing earning perks (age 0) has no minuses compared to starting at ages 16 or 17 because of a "Grace Period" being able to start making decisions 16 years later at a perk advantage, compared to being Hasty starting the game at age 16 or 17.
So, the take-away is perks have value, and they are worth earning up to the age of 16, but they are definately not worth spending 3 years, fast forwarding life, just for an "free" extra perk.
But yes, as SolarSatellite1 said, no amount of perks is worth more than getting to control your rulers life for longer. The only reason 16 is better than 15 is you can spend the points to lock in the education you want them to receive.
So, it can be said, in general:
the value of Adult Perks (over age 16) < the ruler's leftover lifespan starting at 16 (female bonus) < Fertility and Opinion of the ruler. (male bonus).
Wondering though, with enough future generation in place, would it ever be worthwhile down the line - generationally, to switch male dominance to female dominance or pluralist picking up the extra 4 years of longevity for the ruler?
Specifically with male dominance I can wait until 50 or 60 before I have a child so that it's close to 16 when it succeeds the throne. With female dominance you're forced to you have your last child at 45 (modified by some few factors). To me, being forced to have your last child at 45 is not worth the extra years in personal lifespan you would gain by having females be dominant.
For a 1 time marriage deal, it might make more sense to be the female ruler, I think, because of the male character at ages 16-31 who if marries up in age, or the same, can't produce the strategy you point to at age 60, and should be married to a ruler who assists their stats - running into the under 16 aged female problem for that stategy you propose.
Note: However, In a Divorce situation, I can see the advantages of a young male character (16-31) living out his years of marriage to up to a 15+ year old female, having extra kids, up to the point she is 45 years old, and then divorcing her for a younger woman (15+ years younger) for the purposes of having more kids, as well as the younger ruler inheritance advantage.
1. A female ruler at age 16 marries a 42 male for 30 years. Until death do they part. (Fertility Marriage w/ stats).
Then, at age 46, marries again another 42 male for 30 years. Until death do they part. (Celebate Marriage for stats and Piety).
2. A male ruler at age 16 marries a 31 female for 15 years. Until Menopause do they part, getting a Divorce. (Fertility Marriage w/ stats).
Then, at age 31, marries again, but this time to a 16 year old, female for ~30 fertile years, and then its finally until Death do they part, roughly ~15-4 years later. Where, if the female lives longer, the child still inherits the throne.
Q: Should it should depend on the cost/benefit analysis of kids per the divorce, or are there other considerations to be made here?
I don't know how you arrive at the 19 extra years being a female but again even if the differential were that severe I'd still prefer being able to sire children at 60, as a male, and pass the reigns to someone fresh, I like it too much. With a female you're forced to have your last child at 45 (perhaps extended if you have fecund and maybe some other trait I forgot about).
Note there's really nothing wrong with that, the game is perfectly playable as a female, but there is a solution which I lean towards based on my preferences.
This is all assuming your religion makes divorce difficult. Once you reform the faith to your own specifications, this all becomes moot as you can freely divorce without having to wait for someone to die. Also don't forget if you're playing in a male dominated religion like the catholics, you're going to get whammo'ed by the wrong gender opinion.
Thinking about it, I can see the advantages of having a younger ruler inherit (because it is flipped), and being able to play as a Catholic too, without the Opinion minus. In your strategy, Divorce doesn't matter because you aren't shooting for kids in the 1st 30 years of your 1st marriage. Whereas, I was thinking, the whole point of the male advantage was expressing the extra Fertility, so that you'd have to get a Divorce just to make it work. Now, it's clear to me - your strategy, seeing its strengths! which is: Male bonus Opinion + younger inhertance. (seems better than option 1). Although, I probably opened up a new idea to be considered: Divorce for Fertility reasons, which may or may not be worth it for the male player to consider.
45 is the cutoff point where it drops to 0% afterwards irrelevant of perks, fecund only gives a fertility boost up to 100% before that point.