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you have to know what cards you can play, and what your enemy can play. there's plenty of ways to go about things.
Let me reassure about an important thing though, the game isn't rigged against the player, so to speak. Those are all in-game mechanics that work the same way for the AI, the difference is it "knows" how to play.
Paradox games are notorious for not having the smoothest learning curve, but it's like learning to ride a bike, once you learn it's different.
Now, you can start playing on Normal Ironman from the beginning but you just need to set realistic expectations, your dynasty won't rival the Karlings in your first campaigns, it's important you choose a "welcoming" start so things won't be too difficult.
The game already labels which "interesting starts" are more easy or difficult than others, it does that giving for granted you know how to play though, so keep in mind few more factors on top of that:
I hope it helps, if you're struggling with a particular aspect of the game feel free to ask. :)
I highly suggest you give a normal ironman run a chance. Your ability to learn seems to be held back by savescumming your way out of your problems, and blaming RNG for your inability to manage your realm. Take away the training wheels, and you'll have to learn the game mechanics. Learn the mechanics, and you'll have a much better experience. And remember, you have only lost when the game over screen happens. Losing to a rebellion isn't game over; it's part of the CK3 experience.
Which ones are you having trouble with?
I'm new and have played all levels. Haven't seen any real difference in RNG between them - I expect the worst and plan accordingly. AI pounces if one doesn't take care in all settings.
Save scumming wastes my time when I should be playing, goes against the uncertainty of life and the intentions of devs and the game. Chase an achievement if you wish and if you don't achieve it, learn from the mistakes/bad luck and go again. Yeah, frustration, disappointment. But that's the type of game it is and we don't always get what we want...
As HC says, one can always ask for specific help and I've found plenty searching forums. Most of what I've faced has already been experienced and commented upon, and helped me obtain achievements, for what achievements are worth. For me the fun's in playing and going with the flow, not chasing what are for the most part false/fake goals.
Targets are for real life, games are for fun. But if achievements are your fun then enjoy getting them on the terms the devs intended.
If you're finding yourself frustrated, trying playing a game or three with the console enabled to help you make mistakes and recover from them with console commands if you must, but first try finding a way out of the situation on your own. Do that maybe focusing on a practice run of the first achievement you want to game out how to get their in Ironman. Then try an Ironman game to do the same.
In CK2 armies where raised individually from vassals, they took a opinion hit from them; now they did it realm-wide, so instead every vassals is affected but to a lesser degree.
I agree that it seems ridiculous but what EA said has some merit here especially in the context of what the developers are trying to show in having you play in a medieval world.
Your vassals aren't going to be thrilled contributing what they see as their men and resources towards one of your wars that doesn't (as far as they can tell) directly benefit them in any way. On the other side of that though I do believe it would be more accurate for some vassals to have a negative opinion about you going to war while some have a positive opinion. From a historical perspective there were always "hawkish" factions around rulers, encouraging them to go to war while the naysayers were decrying the costs of men and money for the war.
Like I said before though the achievements in this game are very easy to get, definitely don't need to "save scum" and all that. Which ones are you having trouble with?
Sure Al-Andalus can be annoying when the Christians crusade you non-stop for 10 years, but it is doable. Some just require patience.
try getting 'what love does for us'. i have spent hours seducing everyone's wives with the full seduction tree and spreading the news of my deeds so the husbands with the vengeful trait would kill me.
i still haven't had a save where it didn't take ages to get assassinated, and also not get killed.
one character made it as far as the age of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ 80 with just a handful of attempts on his life. but all poison based, and he survived it. not that any of his lovers seem to care to step in and prevent anything.