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That's exactly my situation, it's my wife. I never had the chance to deny the hook because it was already in place by the time I took over the husband as player heir.
The best workaround to what I'm trying to do is fornicate to get younger heirs.
I think you're stuck with her. I'm not a fan of marrying my heirs (or having heirs much older than 20) and this is one of the reasons. The longer you leave the AI in control of them, the worse decisions they make and the more of them you're stuck with when you eventually take control.
I could've sworn you can't initiate a murder scheme at all when they've got a strong hook. One of us is definitely misremembering.
Probably me, I've been out of the game for a while pending the release of the next big DLC.
I've got that "Don't wanna reset my game" syndrome going.
No I cannot initiate a murder scheme against her, the reason is listed as she has a strong hook on me.
I'm doing a survival playthrough. The first 30 levels or so were really, really painful. I think my character's level 72 now and the feeling of accomplishment when my character casually kills a deathclaw with 3 shots is great. I'm procrastinating finishing the main quest cos I'm going to go Institute and that'll lose me my fast travel so I'm trying to do all the side quests first. Some of the DLC enemies are real bullet sponges though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEKdt2y1-Mc
It goes brilliantly with VATs head shots and heads exploding.
Try some Basil Poledouris soundtracks like the ones for the movie Quigley Down Under or the TV miniseries Lonesome Dove. It's eerey how appropriate any of the individual tracks is for almost any situation you find yourself in in FO4.
The Conan the Barbarian soundtrack by Basil is good too though some of the individual tracks can be quite over the top and violent and won't fit in to every FO4 situation.
I guess there IS a reason to get things like home advantage and other talents in the seduction tree.