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I believe you can probably torture your lovers, although I haven't tested this theory. I once slept with the pope in order to prevent him from declaring a crusade against me. It didn't work, and I defeated him without ending the affair.
The "Incestous" trait is only a branding for shunned / criminal activities within your faith, same like Adulterer or Kinslayer. It gives a +20 opinion bonus with other incestous characters, but this is just an offset for the -15 opinion penalty which other characters have towards you.
If an incestous marriage relation would illegal under your faith doctrines, there are only three ways to become lovers regardless:
A) Intrigue - Seduction focus - Subtle Desire (target needs to be 20+ years old, and the player can always accept if being seduced by an NPC family member)
B) Seducer is a human player, and the target is arbitrary (no matter what the seduction chance says, it will always fail otherwise, unless the target is arbitrary or you have the subtle desire perk)
C) Extremely rare event where a ruler can fall in love with a random close relative. The player can always choose to accept or refuse, and the AI target can never refuse. If the initiator is an NPC then both are more likely to refuse.
The chance for the event to happen increases if both characters have matching traits, and if the target is landed or married to a landed character in the same realm. Yet i've only seen this once in hundreds of hours.
Note that the incest lovers were an absolute chaos after the game release. I constantly caught family members, like the son having an affair with his mother. Also you regularily had feast events to become romantic with close relatives. There even was a bug which allowed you to take any courtier as concubine.
This has all been fixed & nerfed, getting frisky with close family only works as described above, or changing to a faith which legalizes it (not recommended).
When I add the filter Incestious trait as the only requirement for my future spouse, I get no results at all :(
It can be bad, but it can also give you a buff.
I married my daughter and my 3 sisters are my incubants and I'm following the blood line research tree thingy.
*Yes, her. Had my own religion which allowed for female rulers. And also incest, which was quite important because I was after the "Perfect cylce" achievement. Which I indeed got in the end.
Ahhh, what a game...
I'm after "A Perfect Circle" right now. Got any tips? I don't have religion problems, only micromanagement problem. I need a ruler young enough to arrange the marriage of his children, but those are usually not elected in the early game...
Then hope for enough children from both sexes and betroth them to each other right after birth. Have your spymaster looking for secrets in your own court a lot to identify possible bastards.
Also save enough fame to be able to disinherit
- children that you suspect of being a bastard
- chldren that are sterile / barren
- and children that have spouses who are not sibblings.
And then have patience...it takes longer than you might think.