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What is happening is because of "confederate partition". It is the default succession law, and it means that your lands will be divided over all your eligible heirs (your sons, in this case).
It also means that, if a title of equivalant rank to your primary title can be created from the lands you hold, it will be created upon your death, and given to whichever heir is next in line, splitting your lands into independant realms.
The good news is that your primary heir will gain a Pressed Claim on the lands lost, so regaining those lands is only a quick war away.
Getting out of Confederate Partition requires technology that won't be gained for a long time, and requires you to be feudal.
Wow. So what is the point of destroying a title, then?
Damn this confederate partition! ha! Yeah, I'll never get my realm size to 80 in this character's lifetime in order to make this empire. Really, I kind of just wanted it to be one giant kingdom. Why is the kingdom of Sweden allowed to be so enormous?
Plus, so long as you don't own enough land outside the kingdom to form another kingdom, that won't happen either. So you can grow the kingdom little by little at least.
It is not particularly hard for a tribal ruler to conquer an entire De Jure empire within a lifetime, though. One trick is not to raise levies, and fight using only your Men-At-Arms whenever you can get away with it. Since Men-At-Arms only cost prestige to create and maintain, you'll steadily build a supply of gold for mercenaries, bribes, or whatever.
Now, if you're king, you can have 5-6 duchy titles - as long as you don't have enough to make a second kingdom, or that will happen. So, don't.
Let's say you have 5 heirs - a primary and 4 others. Let's say you have one King title, 8 Duke titles, and 12 Counties.
Start by giving one duke title to each of the other 4 heirs, and give them the county capital of their duchy. Then, your heir will inherit your primary king title AND the remaining duchy and county titles. Under partition laws, heirs who own land won't be given a title equal (or lower) than what they already own.
So, you can cheese out the entire process. Just control your own growth, be aware of what duchies/kingdoms you're going to be able to create if you take this or that territory.
Really, it's just like being able to pick your own heir. Once in a while a rogue heir might inherit a county in BFE or something, but your main heir will inherit almost everything - and if you're clever in your distributions, you might even be able to just vassalize the other members of your family who were given those titles.
I mean, it's fine. I've just been enjoying taking my time and expanding at my own pace, because I'm really not a huge fan of being constantly at war. Hopefully, they'll be able to keep the Luchanev dynasty peace after this king dies.
Yeah, they do, and I have to confess that I haven't fully looked into what that means. But ultimately, the thing is the dude controls a ton of territory with only a single king title to worry about, and he can field nearly 30,000 troops (20k levy + 10k men-at-arms) just on his own. He could easily take over the entirety of Europe right now.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2275326967
Also, if you have one Empire Title, you can safely manage multiple kings like I mentioned above that a King can do with Dukes.
If you want, you can set up 3 kings to each have ONE duchy in the other's kingdoms. This will give them something - other than you - to do for a while. If one gets too big, send the assassins.
Sometimes, I will look to get a territory a bit away and plant a few heirs and grant independence just so they can spread the dynasty a bit further. If I am Scandanavia, I want my heirs sitting in Russia, UK, Bulgaria, and Spain. Hopefully they will succeed for a little bit and provide some future allies, dynasty prestige/renown.
You can grow quite large under confederate Partition. if you keep an eye on the De Jure kingdoms map.
I have wanted to do that for a while, actually. Somebody way down in the line of succession, or a bastard child or something. Just get him situated somewhere out of the way with a couple of counties and then maybe switch to play that character. I think I kind of waited too long, though, because most of the map has blobbed up.
I might do it, though, in that area on the other side of Ruthenia. It's still sort of a disorganized mess over there.
Cheers