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Your prestige and piety are yours alone. Your kids are already born with bonus prestige based on the renown of your dynasty. That's all they'll inherit though. There's really no need to inherit prestige/piety though. They're easily built up.
And no, you can't name your heirs as beneficiaries, that's intentional. It's supposed to go to people who don't stand to inherit anything. If you want you can set up future generations of your family by setting a cousin or something as a crusade beneficiary. Plus once you get primogeniture and only your eldest kid inherits you may be able to set your later kids as beneficiaries too.
If you name a woman as beneficiary and have your heirs marry them later on, do they get to share some of that loot? I don't really understand why you can't benefit directly from the crusades, or at least pass it on to your heirs. I don't really care about the lands, but the gold and prestige can be very large!
You also benefit by giving your dynasty an additional independent kingdom giving a big boost to monthly renown gain.
If you were to marry your kids to a woman that received the crusader kingdom then their kids would eventually inherit the kingdom, yes. But that would probably be counter-productive. If they're your heirs then they'd also inherit a chunk of your kingdom. So you could be left with half a kingdom, while your nephew has the kingdom of Jerusalem and half of your kingdom too. You don't really want your heirs to get stuff from the crusade. You're better off if a distant member of your dynasty is there. You'll still benefit from the increased renown, and have better relations with them, but they won't inherit any of your stuff or have claims on your titles.