my son is on the other side of the world

[ShepherdOfCats]

One thing I'm really not liking about this game is that spouses don't seem to always come to your court even if they are in a lesser union. My son's wife decided to stay in a foreign empire, so now I inherited my father's kingdom, and I can't even interact with my son to educate him because of this. Heck he might not even be mine since my wife apparently never even met me in person and instead decided to stay with her daddy the whole time, and kept the kids.

I also noticed sometimes when I marry my son to another ruler's daughter in a regular non matrilineal marriage, he leaves my court and goes to theirs.

[The Former]

Be careful who you marry. If it's someone with a position in the court or peerage of the other country, they won't come to your court. Usually princesses will, but some may be spymasters or something, for example.

[ShepherdOfCats]

Well that sucks. My son is 8 and I can't invite him, I just hope the emperor doesn't decide to do something like hold him hostage and demand me to swear fealty or something (don't know if that's possible but probably, in this game)

[ShepherdOfCats]

Alright I need to know what I'm doing wrong here. As the old king I found a wife for my son and she was a low-born with some nice genetic traits, so I took the prestige hit and had them married.

Then it happened again. My grandson somehow ended up in a court in Finland, I am playing in Siberia. Don't ask how. I have no idea. She was a lowborn so she had no relatives in Finland or any reason at all to be there. Way outside of my diplomatic range so interacting with her and trying to invite her to my court was not an option.

My son had died in battle or from his wounds, he got maimed, so my 9 year-old grandson was next to inherit. As soon as I died, he was imprisoned and I was forced to pay 200 gold ransom to get out of Finland.

I'm not sure if this is working as intended but it is a pain in the buttocks. No reason why a low-born character should not join my court if I arrange a marriage between her and my son. Perhaps it is because my son died that she left my court, but she took the kid with her, and it is kind of unreasonable to have my heir just hanging out in other countries until the AI does something predictable like hold him for ransom.

[ShepherdOfCats]

Has no one else encountered this issue?

[T-Murdah]

Just wait until you get the message that your beloved genius wife was kidnapped by a filthy mongol warlord and is not located deep within Mongolia serving as a concubine and youll never see her again.

[BoydofZINJ]

Before you marry you can click on where they are at to see if the wife in question is far away or not.

[ShepherdOfCats]

I guess my question is how do you determine where they will go once they are married? When I looked to see where my grandson and heir was, and it said Finland, it was definitely a WTF moment for me. I don't even know how that was possible.

In CK2 it was determined by whether the marriage was regular or matrilineal, or if they were landed versus unlanded. In CK3 it just seems to be random where they will stay once married. Unlanded princesses should join your court. Lowborns especially should join your court.

I think next playthrough I'm going to turn off diplomatic range if we still have the option to do that. Might be opening myself up to even more problems and having to deal with vikings coming into Siberia but at least I'll be able to invite my family members back to court when they wander off, especially the heirs since it's kind of important that they stay under my protection. Unfortunately you can't invite kids. You can duel them though, which I found out the hard way, lol.

I predicted this would happen in the first post. It was just a matter of time before my heir living in another realm got ransomed. I actually kind of like that the game lets you do stuff like that but I really need to figure out why my heirs keep ending up in foreign courts. This is the 2nd time it's happened in 3 generations.

[Jaed]

Originally posted by ShepherdOfCats:

I guess my question is how do you determine where they will go once they are married? When I looked to see where my grandson and heir was, and it said Finland, it was definitely a WTF moment for me. I don't even know how that was possible.

In CK2 it was determined by whether the marriage was regular or matrilineal, or if they were landed versus unlanded. In CK3 it just seems to be random where they will stay once married. Unlanded princesses should join your court. Lowborns especially should join your court.

I think next playthrough I'm going to turn off diplomatic range if we still have the option to do that. Might be opening myself up to even more problems and having to deal with vikings coming into Siberia but at least I'll be able to invite my family members back to court when they wander off, especially the heirs since it's kind of important that they stay under my protection.

I predicted it would happen in the first post. It was just a matter of time before my heir living in another realm got ransomed. I actually kind of like that the game lets you do stuff like that but I really need to figure out why my heirs keep ending up in foreign courts. This is the 2nd time it's happened in 3 generations.

It just doesn't matter. I've had a couple heirs wives keep leaving the court and having children in other courts. I sway them to 100 opinion and send the money gifts, they still will not come back. One finally did once my son and heir took over, but there was no indication why she left or why she returned.

This resulted in my heir being a different culture and uncontrolled marriage. Courtiers just come and go as they please, your family and heirs included.

[Ficelle]

My second son and his wife have been married for 10+ years
NP, they were both in my court, nothing special, good relation, childs, happy family

My spymaster died and i gave her the place as she had decent stats and liked me
All fine, she likes me even more and starts to work

Then, after a while, i notice a message saying i need a new spymaster....

Mmmm, what happened ?

No clue at all, no log, nothing...but she is in her somewhgat irrelevant brother court far away doing nothing
She doesnt want to come back either

[Slimane]

Originally posted by Jaed:

Originally posted by ShepherdOfCats:

I guess my question is how do you determine where they will go once they are married? When I looked to see where my grandson and heir was, and it said Finland, it was definitely a WTF moment for me. I don't even know how that was possible.

In CK2 it was determined by whether the marriage was regular or matrilineal, or if they were landed versus unlanded. In CK3 it just seems to be random where they will stay once married. Unlanded princesses should join your court. Lowborns especially should join your court.

I think next playthrough I'm going to turn off diplomatic range if we still have the option to do that. Might be opening myself up to even more problems and having to deal with vikings coming into Siberia but at least I'll be able to invite my family members back to court when they wander off, especially the heirs since it's kind of important that they stay under my protection.

I predicted it would happen in the first post. It was just a matter of time before my heir living in another realm got ransomed. I actually kind of like that the game lets you do stuff like that but I really need to figure out why my heirs keep ending up in foreign courts. This is the 2nd time it's happened in 3 generations.

It just doesn't matter. I've had a couple heirs wives keep leaving the court and having children in other courts. I sway them to 100 opinion and send the money gifts, they still will not come back. One finally did once my son and heir took over, but there was no indication why she left or why she returned.

This resulted in my heir being a different culture and uncontrolled marriage. Courtiers just come and go as they please, your family and heirs included.

This is absolutely ridiculous. Just had this happen to me. The wife of my heir just left court, what a joke.

[Jaed]

Originally posted by Thought Criminal:

Originally posted by Jaed:

It just doesn't matter. I've had a couple heirs wives keep leaving the court and having children in other courts. I sway them to 100 opinion and send the money gifts, they still will not come back. One finally did once my son and heir took over, but there was no indication why she left or why she returned.

This resulted in my heir being a different culture and uncontrolled marriage. Courtiers just come and go as they please, your family and heirs included.

This is absolutely ridiculous. Just had this happen to me. The wife of my heir just left court, what a joke.

Agreed.I don't care about the random courtiers but don't mess with my dynastic line, please.

However, it still sucks because we're spending gold to recruit them and maybe want them for stats and educating new courtiers... but they leave anyway.

If I arrange a marriage with someone with good stats and they have a child that I want to eventually be a councilor.. well tough, cause they've decided there's nothing keeping them at my court. I've stopped bothering with even recruiting unless I have a specific position to fill. I feel like there's no point investing in courtiers.

[nomorelol]

I think this is the problem.

https://imgur.com/a/bBBDQFh

I haven't actually seen that warning on boys in the succession line, but I think it's plausible they get it too.

When my grandsons ended up in foreign courts, they weren't actually with their spouses or with their mothers. They weren't even of age.

[Jaed]

Originally posted by nomorelol:

I think this is the problem.

https://imgur.com/a/bBBDQFh

I haven't actually seen that warning on boys in the succession line, but I think it's plausible they get it too.

When my grandsons ended up in foreign courts, they weren't actually with their spouses or with their mothers. They weren't even of age.

I thought that too but I've had people leave without being sieged. And the people who are taken prisoner that have been released have come back to my court.

I've seen a popup where it says that someone important is leaving court because they have nothing to do, but it was for one of my sons. He eventually came back. I haven't seen this popup for spouses or random courtiers though. It was a quick warning and buried with the other popups, my game speed was 3 or 4, so by the time I noticed it and clicked it, he had already left.

Also, even if I had noticed before he left, there's not an option to make them stay, as far as I can tell, other than give them a council position.

It also says that if your courtiers do not have a job or anything "keeping" them in your court, they will wander elsewhere.

Being the spouse to my heir and producing more heirs is a pretty important job, and being a member of my dynasty should mean you have to stay at my court unless I allow you to leave.

[nomorelol]

Originally posted by Jaed:

Being the spouse to my heir and producing more heirs is a pretty important job, and being a member of my dynasty should mean you have to stay at my court unless I allow you to leave.

You'd think so, right? My grandson heir (his dad had died) moved out and became an archbishop.
I was able to use the child hook to invite him back to court and he reverted back to being my primary heir, but I would still not call this expected behavior for the heir of a kingdom/empire.

Maybe the grandsons are only tied to their parents and become wandering once they die, but it's kind of annoying to have to lock them down by giving 3 year olds counties. They took out the unlanded sons penalties too, so it makes perfect sense to keep your primary heir unlanded.

[Maverick7508]

My daughter in law is roaming europe, and wont come to my court due to different faith, but I can't convert her due to her not being in my court. only thing I can think of is reforming my religion. sucks too, she is amazonian. that or I will have to go into the intrigue tree and fabricate a hook on her...