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This is a Hot Wheels Ferrari passing itself off as the real thing.
This is not for you. To use your own analogy, you bought a Porsche and expect it to drive like a Ferrari because you don't know the difference.
I was really hoping it'd be like the Game Center CX games where each one feels like a real game but isn't designed to be bad on purpose because old.
This doesn't feel like a bootleg cartridge because it apparently covers many years and has sequels and crossover characters and IP's more like some proper games with a history or something.
I appreciate it's going for something else, but I don't know what. I feel like they leaned too hard into being cryptic but didn't pull it off particularly well. A lot of the mechanics aren't particularly complicated but the trial and error nature of being told absolutely nothing is a bit meh to me. Hiding and discovering information can be super fun, but not so much here. I miss playing Tunic for the first time.
The 'demoscene' intro implies that the devs found an old console and dumped the roms to PC and added a nice UI to the rom list, so they didn't have any manuals to work with
Stick with it if you can. There's something really interesting here that a lot of people are missing. Unfortunately, most people don't realize that many NES games were janky as hell, and UFO 50 balances faithful recreation of some of that jank with thoughtful modern design choices. But it IS all pretty opaque at first.