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I wonder... maybe I need to go to turn based mode before I surprise attack?
Anyway, gpauley, I'm assuming you are talking about the 1st attack, not sneak attacks in general.
You need to get into Turn Based mode before you attack.
If your victim dies isolated, combat doesn't start, but people around will usually come looking for you. Use the rest of you turn to hide and move away.
If combat starts (witness, victim not killed, other reasons...) you'll still have time to finish your turn if you get Initiative. If enemies are surprised, you get another round to finish the job before moving away,
If you don't go into turned based mode, when mobs come looking for you in real time, you likely don't have time to hide again and move away.
What happens then is that mobs discover you, inside the same turn as your attack, so your action is already spent when TB mode starts automatically. And mobs won't be surprised when they find you.
There are more quirks to stealth, like when to use Sneak or normal attacks, how lighting works, etc., so have fun experimenting.
There is a setting in custom mode that controls whether you can get a free "first strike" attack or not.
When you get surprise on an enemy, they lose their first turn. BUT ... if the enemy doesn't see you, then the game never shifts into combat mode. So that lost first turn simply passes in real time.
Also, just because one party member is in combat does not mean that all of them are. So sometimes you get a first strike but only that character enters combat. All the enemies skip their first turn but none of your other characters are in combat so they don't get to take advantage of it. There are ways to deal with this, but it can end up feeling like your surprise attack didn't gain you much.
It should work just fine, but there are some mechanics that can get in your way like having your whole party in stealth so they don't get initiative in the alpha round because not in combat (which you can manually fix or just not stealth them to begin with).
When you start a combat by making an hostile action, that action is taken out of your first turn of the game. So you still get the same number of actions that if they started the combat themself. No free turn given, but no free action either. You still get one action per round of combat, and the "attack that started the combat" is the action of the first round.
If your initiative is crap (which is likely the case if you have low Dex), it will look as if they had a free turn. But it would also look as if they had a free turn if the combat started in another way, because you have a crap initiative so you play after them. You just moved your attack from "end of the round" to "beginning of the combat" for the first round, but then you're back to playing at the end of the round, so it look like the enemies played twice in a row.
There is an exception, which is the surprise round. If you manage to attack them while having the surprise, you will get your free round. But to do that, you need to do more than just "attacking first", and even "attacking while hidden" might not be enough. The exact conditions are kind of a mess (see https://bg3.wiki/wiki/Surprised_(Condition)).