Give me your best DnD/BG3 puns and attempts at Vicious Mockery!

[Tresh]

I'll start: Q: Why did Karlach get in trouble with the guards of Wyrm's Crossing?
A: Because she came there to throw fists.

[NiStein118]

Flight deck chest.

[EricHVela]

"You take Psychic Damage looking into a mirror."

(Then, Duke in One Short Questers - the spin-off of One Shot Questers - used that same one. Shoulda called dibs.)

He's got a whole slew of them now. Some of them 24d6 vicious.

[Tresh]

Originally posted by EricHVela:

"You take Psychic Damage looking into a mirror."

(Then, Duke in One Short Questers - the spin-off of One Shot Questers - used that same one. Shoulda called dibs.)

He's got a whole slew of them now. Some of them 24d6 vicious.

Yeah, that series was kind of what gave me the idea to ask people for theirs. But "You take Psychic damage looking into a mirror" is a good one 😂

[Pan Darius Cassandra]

Goostarion. Honk.

[アンジェル]

Why are necromancer bad employers?

They work their minions to the bone while ignoring basics labour wights.
And if you ever get a raise, it is just once in lifetime.
Choosing to serve a necromancer is a grave mistake, leading you to a dead end job.

Anyroads, remember: if you have to defend yourself against heat based attacks, turn up your AC. Either that or do it like the bard with many hit points: the con artist.

Do not bully fat adventures. They already have enough on their plate.

Last but not least: what says the beloved ranger to spook their enemies? Boo!

Let me get a shovel for the last one. Could have done about him being rock hard for the longest time or such, but it is still the beloved ranger... You cannot make jokes about him like you do about sorcerers and wizards, asking what make them different. Its class, btw.

[EricHVela]

Vicious Mockery:
You look like a CR 0. Scratch that. You'd probably be getting XP for me killing you.

A murderhobo wouldn't think you're worth the effort.

I'm not killing you for your loot or XP. I'm just making sure nobody else has to be around you ever again.

Which one of your parents was a Gibbering Mouther?

[アンジェル]

Vicious Mockery is something I am very bad at. Not really my forte with simple insults. But there are some classics I like:

You are not a complete idiot. Clearly some parts are missing...

Ouch! The spell is called Hideous Laughter. Not... hideous you...

Are you really a true soul? I think your tadpole starved to death.

There is no beholders' eye in which you are beautiful.

Thank goodness you are here! The CR just dropped.

I feel sorry for the fae who made a pact with you.

Let me heal myself first. I feel like I took damage just looking at you.

You are so dumb that you are invisible to mind flayers.

Are you half dragonborn? Because your breath sure can kill.

You are a natural critical failure.

I am sorry about your mother. It is not everyday your reflection kills you.

Do you know by chance a bugbear and a troll?

Instead of Vicious Mockery I really rather ask Karlach for a d8 to have her deal all the damage. She is much better at such than the wizard with low dex who cantrip.

[Duilf]

Remember Vicious Mockeries are meant to be a magically boosted insults so bad they deal mental damage. The concept itself is a D&D joke.

I was actually here looking for advice for something...., but after seeing you Cyric seems like saner company.

Do you have a goblin pet, or is that your foot.

You are so ugly Ilmater stops crying then backs away slowly when he sees you.

Explain your forehead! Was your father a Yuan-ti?

I am here by request of Zariel. She wants her burning sulfur back!

I asked a Gnoll if there was anything he wouldn't eat, and he pointed me this way. Now I have seen everything.

Lathander said in your case he would be willing to make an exception, and not renew membership.

I asked Tymora if she had ever been unlucky. She mentioned she has seen you before... WOW now I get it.

Oh! I was going to use a Cantrip, but it requires the target to be intelligent.

You are so ugly that you can get into a bar fight with a Githyanki, and they can still use the "you should see the other guy" quip with confidence.

Knowing I would fight you I asked Kelemvor, and Oghma if anyone living, or dead had any last minute messages for you. Both responded the same thing. Who?