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Lae'zel will use any resources in her inventory, which can be annoying. (You can gimmick the fight by taking away all her stuff before you go to sleep, if you want to!)
Only time I was seriously annoyed by her was when she threw the iron ball at me -- and a beholder was released in the camp!
If you get her down to a certain HP threshold and are winning, she calls it off, but she says she loves the bruises you gave her.
If you are losing, she will eventually stop and call things off and say she realizes she cannot bear to physically hurt you anymore.
Neither of you are supposed to die. That said, scripting for events often can't deal with the unanticipated and I guess one or the other or both can die.
It sorta reminds me of Klingon romance. Apparently Klingon courtship involves a lot of dueling and battling. There was a famous episode where Dax and Whorf the next day walked into the command center, looking visibly bruised and pained, and Bashir just smiled at them and said, "quite a night, huh?"
I wish they disallowed use of potions for both because she was chugging them and then called me a cheater when I used one. Girl.
But it's important to remember that win or lose, you win her over. (Honestly it may be better for her arc if she wins, to beat you but come to realize that doesn't affect her feelings for you feels much more in line with her development)
I beat her as a lore bard and no 2+ level spell slots remaining on Honor Mode... really easily too since I was a spell caster with high spell save DC and she had the Risky Ring equipped. Just stunned her with Tasha's Hideous Laughter and spammed Vicious Mockery from a distance.
I beat her with a.... it doesn't matter since she beat herself.
For some reason we didn't go into turn-based. Lae'zel started chucking smokepowder bombs at Tav in real time. But she was standing with her combat dummy in the way. She blew herself up.
Thats hysterical. She just kept blowing through all my invis pots so I threw water on her and monk stunned her into submission. She blew 3 pots in the process though
I had her on my party on my first honour run, and my character was a Selunite cleric.
At first I had the same feeling, like "omg I'll never beat a fighter with my healer", but it went way better than I expected ( to be more precise, my cleric was a healer one. 120hp by lvl 8 or 9 and a generous amount of AC. Hold person and a couple of heightened guiding bolts and gg).
anyways, imo the dev make it win or lose you "win" since I think people will be rightfully pissed that lae'zel is the only romance that can end without warning.
I'd say yes you don't need beat her at all for the romance.