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I've not had the opportunity to use the Wardrobe for this purpose myself, but my understanding is that you'll only get to create your own character if you join the game when it launches. If you're not there to get a tadpole in your eye, you're plain not joining the adventure as a custom character.
Once you launch the game, though, you should be able to shove the custom character into the Wardrobe in your camp. Then the new player who joins would have the option of taking control of the existing party members. Again, they would NOT be able to make a new custom character (and I feel like this is unlikely to change given the nature of the game)--but they'd be able to take any of the existing custom characters, per your experience, it seems.
ill try it out, the main problem we have is it just giving whoever joins, the first custom character that was main instead of the one they made
How to Create a New Character for an Existing Client's Avatar (up to a party of three)
https://steamcommunity.com/app/1086940/discussions/0/3882722797160715702/
same principle for your issue