WARHAMMER 40K veteran Plays BG3

[Night Writer]

Everything must be PURGED FOR THE EMPEROR!!

-I do not understand this single D20 thing, I need many MANY...D6's rolled all at once with two hands, some colors to represent Boltguns, and Some to Represent Melee attacks, and some to Represent Special Weapons, and another color for Pskyer Tests.

-Play as a Paladin or a Cleric, or both. As they are the closest representation of an Inquisitor or Grey Knight Space Marine, and at least can use the holy light of the Emperor to PURGE things.

-Kill everything that moves, changes shape, casts spells, breathes or questions the Emperor's existence. Anyone who looks at you cross eyed, smells funny, or has an excessive amount of Acne, as this is a symptom of CHAOS corruption.

-Goblin Fortress, Everything must be cleansed by Fire. EVERYTHING. This includes Minthara Because Drow which = MUTANT and she's corrupted as she plots and schemes with Green Skins.

-Gnoll Encounter by the cave, and the murderous renegade thugs protecting the box too. Dead. Burn everything- Leave no trace, (The innocent looking boy who is just not feeling lucky, he should be interrogated thoroughly by a Psyker , until his mental faculties are broken and he urinates on himself every time he thinks about the CHAOS WARP his mind has been exposed to.)

-Auntie Ethel, ( Hang her on a POST sticking out of the ground, surround it with dry leaves and kindling) Ask Your Psyker to Light her on Fire. Psyker denies, says he needs his spells for later, I use a flame thrower instead. After the fire starts roaring and Auntie Ethel stops screaming, grab all the redhat corpses and throw em on the fire too and her Zombie Undead slave) The wife as seen too much, ask her to wait in the cabin while you call in an orbital strike on its location from a safe distance. Corruption can not be allowed to spread.

-Blighted Village> Gas can at the ready, all must be purged. All green skins slain and bodies piled high, (Collect various herbs for medicinal purposes) Burn the barn down and the 3 Ogres mutants were offered the opportunity to serve the Emperor in the Imperial Guard, they declined, we threw their corpses on the Goblin Fire as well. Foul Smells were never fully removed from my Armor.

-Lae Zel, hanging in the cage.. Githyanki = ALIEN FILTH (Lizard Succubus of The Grinch Stole Christmas face/Frog half breed) You know what to do. (Lights match)

-Astarion, Chaos Corrupted VAMPIRE MUTANT, tried to bite us in our SLEEP, Head butted him and then ripped his fangs out, THREE BOLTER ROUNDS to the FACE, CHEST AND GENITALS. His white hair was splattered with his OWN Undead tainted blood. We used a Chain Sword to remove his head, from his body. We left the Head in a Wooden box (because these are located everywhere on this planet) at the edge of a chasm filled with Lava and kicked it over the edge, we then took the torso of the corpse and placed it into another box we found in the Under Dark and delivered it to the Mushroom KING, where he appeared to mate with it and turn it into a MUTANT VAMPIRE MUSHROOM CHILD.

Astartes directive 1501.3.15.678.243 could not allow this to pass so we immediately purged the MUTANT VAMPIRE MUSHROOM CHILD, and his progenitor, and all ALIEN MUSHROOMS became hostile for some reason, and we were forced to WIPE THEM FROM THE FACE OF THE PLANET, with fire. Roasted MUSHROOMS will never taste the same way again.

On a side note: Some residents claim they can still hear Astarions head scream while it burns for eternity in the Lake of LAVA we kicked it into at the bottom of a Chasm.

-Looked through a primitive Optical device on the top of a hill, saw a large Red Flying ALIEN SCUM from a great distance, headed in its general direction, but ALAS we could not locate its heat signature, and were forced to give up the hunt. The EMPEROR knows our purpose was true.

-Came upon an entire Village of Demons, complete with HORNS, and they even had DEMON Babies and Demon Horned Children. The Foul taint of CHAOS was everywhere, and the red skinned fiends tried to speak with us, however we knew their true intent from many hundreds of years of experience battling our ancient enemy. I immediately blasted the first Demon Child I saw in the face, and the rest of my squad commenced firing upon all of the other CHAOS BABIES with large caliber explosive rounds. Their parents were none to happy with the result as their offspring dripped from the cave walls. They let out bestial howls and their horns grew and there eyes glowed, but we had the might of the Emperor on our side and our Psyker purged their filth with a rather overzealous Fireball attack which also killed BROTHER BARACHIEL.

-Our Apothecary tried to speak some CHAOS spell to resurrect Brother Barachiel, but sensing the taint of CHAOS upon him I was forced to fire upon the Apothecary, and splattered his grey matter all over Brother Barachiel's body. We then Lit them both on fire to stop the corruption from spreading further.

The Purge Continues...

[アンジェル]

You playing something else than a Warhammer 40,000 game? Heresy!
Go for Daemonhunters! It got an update recently!

[Night Writer]

I have it but I am SOOOO freaking backlogged right. Like seriously I just started playing Solasta (REALLY GOOD BTW) and its like 2 years old, plus I am playing BG3, plus Kingdoms of Amalur Re-reckoning, (like 85 hours into it) plus Zombie Army 4.. I am trying but like I had to take a break from BG3, at the end of the Underdark, because patch 1 hosed my mods, and I am waiting for mod creators to update right now. I am actually thinking about scratching this play through and coming back in a year to it after they fix everything.

[SpudLord]

I really want to know who is in your party since you know. Still I got a great laugh from reading all of that.

[Tax evasion]

Stay strong brother, the road ahead is perilous. Remember the litany that has been taught :
From Iron cometh Strength
From Strength cometh Will
From Will cometh Faith
From Faith cometh Honour
From Honour cometh Iron
This is the Unbreakable Litany, may it forever be so

[Lord Farquad]

Originally posted by SpudLord:

I really want to know who is in your party since you know. Still I got a great laugh from reading all of that.

Hey necromancer, a charnel pit needs your attention