DND Jokes to pass the time!

[Mordiaky]

2 bards are standing on a bridge, when the first one emits a stinking cloud.
The second one says:
‘I didn’t know you could cast that spell!’
To which the first one replies:
‘I can’t…’

[Conker]

https://imgur.com/a/scoys2U

[Master]

Here is my d&d joke. Non human Paladin.

[Shadyia]

Two Dwarves are fishing in a lake when a Elf joins them. But instead of getting out a pole, the elf walks across the surface of the water, grabs a fish and takes it back to his bucket. Five times he does this before he picks up the bucket and walks home. One Dwarf turns to the other and says, "These elves think they be so damn smart--they don't even know how to swim!"

[Mordiaky]

An orc, an elf, and a dwarf find themselves being granted wishes by an Efreeti.
The orc says, “We orcs need to return to power. I wish all the orcs and half-orcs were returned to their ancient lands.” The Efreeti nods his head, and the orc vanishes.
The elf says, “The elves need to get back to their roots. I wish all the elves and half-elves were returned to their ancestral home.” The Efreeti nods his head, and the elf vanishes.

The dwarf looks around. “Let me get this straight,” the dwarf says, “the orc wished for all the orcs to be gone, and the elf wished for all the elves to be gone?” The Efreeti nods. “Very well, then,” said the dwarf, “I’ll have an ale.”

[Shadyia]

A Halfling girl asks her mother what kind of man she should spend her life with. The old one says, “My daughter, it is important to find someone who cooks for you. And it is important to find someone who can earn lots of gold. And it is important to find someone who can make wild, passionate love to you for hours and hours. But MOST important, it is absolutely essential that these three never meet.”

[DeLastOne]

Originally posted by Mordiaky:

What do you call an orc with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

LOL that one was really good.

[Mordiaky]

An Elf, a Human, and a Dwarf Go into a bar and order a beer.
Before they drink, a fly lands in each one.

The Elf shoves the beer away in disdain.
The Human waves the fly away and drinks the beer.
The Dwarf picks the fly up, holds it over his glass and yells, “Spit it all out you little *******!”

[Heinz234]

https://comiconlinefree.net/knights-of-the-dinner-table/issue-1

[Mordiaky]

A human was selling melons in the fair, when a huge orc approached him, and said out loud “I WANT TO BUY HALF OF A MELON”. The guy, intimidated with the orc’s size, replied “I can’t sell you half of a melon… I’ll have to ask my boss…” He leaves to one of the tents, and the orc follows him without him noticing. Getting in there he says “boss, there’s a darned son of a @$^*#^% out there, wants to buy half of a melon”. He looks back, and finds the orc standing right behind him “… and this gentleman want to buy the other half”.

[Shadyia]

A Drow female announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful! But, I hope you don't mind me asking, what happened to your first husband?"
The Drow replies, "He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?" her friend asks.
"He ate poisonous mushrooms, too, and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask, but what about your third husband?"
"I stabbed him with a dagger."
Shocked, her friend said, “You did WHAT?! Why??"
The Drow replied, "He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

[axewielder]

Wizard1-*Pressing hands together hard* "How do you keep two dimensions from tearing and splitting apart?"
Wizard2-"I Dont know ... how?"
Wizard1-"With Dementia."

[Mordiaky]

A cleric, a druid, and a goblin walk into a bar.
The goblin looks to other two and say “oops, I’m in the wrong joke.

[larhtas]

It is honestly the best thread to pass the time

[Bubbaganoosh]

Originally posted by Dremall:

Man in a bar says: It's tough to raise a family.
Necromancer replies: Not if they're buried close together.

Can't stop laughing for some reason.

[DeLastOne]

Originally posted by Heinz234:

https://comiconlinefree.net/knights-of-the-dinner-table/issue-1

This is gold :)