10 reasons why raccoons are the best pets:
1. He protec, but he also attac
2. They can regenerate limbs (if you need to whip up a quick dinner you can just chop off a raccoons leg)
3. They’re obedient (you want someone dead your raccoon will kill them James Bond style no problem)
4. Raccoon piss cures cancer
5. They’re really good at video games (if you suck at CS:GO a raccoon will carry your fat ass no problem)
6. Need protection against someone with a gun? Raccoons are naturally bulletproof
7. Raccoons can destroy any animal in a 1v1 (put a cat and a raccoon in a boxing ring and that cat will get rekt)
8. Girls see you walking a dog, they ignore you. Girls see you walking a raccoon, and you’ve just earned yourself a “get-out-of-virgin-free" card
9. Raccoon ♥♥♥♥ cures hepatitis
10. Just look at them, they’re adorable (even if you didn’t chop off your dog’s vagina this hunk of an animal would still be getting laid 10 times more)