No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.

- Gen. George S. Patton

Don't fight a battle if you don't gain anything by winning.

- Field Marshal Erwin Rommel

Soldier 1: "The enemy is shooting at us!"
Soldier 2: "Yep, enemies tend to do that!"


Soldier 1: I heard our general...
Soldier 2: nonsense, our general will never do that with a goat.


Soldier 1: "At least you'll be spared your mum's horrible cooking!"
Soldier 2: "Oi! That's not fair!"


Soldier: I like artillery, but only when its pointing at them!