Stats
-7'3"
-110lbs (on a pepsi-only diet)
-Contains the DNA of Corvids, Arachnids, Crustaceans, Apes, and a splash of Human
-Went to MIT (Transferred) and UofM (Class of '65)
-I have killed before and by God above I will do it again
-Proud Roman Catholic
-Supplier of numerous IRA car bombs and weaponry
-Deathly allergic to pepper and mustard
-Former left fielder for the New York Yankees (1943, 2001-2009)
-Favorite Potato Chip Flavor: Salt and Vinegar
-The hat covers my bald spot I will not take it off!!!
-132 years old
-If you have a Coke icon its on sight I will crush you like a soda can.
-Heterosapien (flesh form)
-Aphonopelma Gigantopithecus (true form)
-KINGS ONLY!!!!!
-Anarcho-Monarcho-Posadist but will tolerate Keynesian Animalism
-Brutalist Architecture makes me want to kill
-Forbidden entry to Malaysia for war crimes
-Licensed Lawyer (Passed the Bar Exam, working for Michael, Michael, & Michael)
-Final living member of the House of Godwin, claimant to the British Throne
-White House Press Secretary under President Nixon (1973-1974)
-H. H. Holmes was a friend of mine
-Periodical conflagrator
-Founder of the Senatus Populesque Americanus (Or, The Roman Party of America)
-Nigh invincible to all forms of damage and aging
-7 Star General of the Army
-Licensed Rumpologist
-Proven in a court of law to "not know nothing"
-Single and ready to mingle :)



NOTABLE AWARDS:

First in Show, National Association of Two-Legged Hominids 1956
Largest ♥♥♥♥, Penis Inspection Day, ██████ Jefferson High, years 1929-1941, 1947-1951, 1977
Most Wanted Man, Federal Bureau of Investigation, years 1987-2001, 2020
Not Guilty Verdict, United States of America v. Dude (c) us78013455651
Biggest Fan, The Tragically Hip Fan Contest, 1999
Not Guilty Verdict, Canada v. Dude (c) CN2091865
500-Mile Sprint, Nebraska Olympic Commission, years 2002-2005
Not Guilty Verdict, National Bar Association v. Dude (c) us89912495136
Best Lawyer, Peer-Reviewed Press Release of National Inquirer, March 7th 2010 issue
Biggest Supporter of Capital Punishment, NRC Summit 2004
Kaczynski Thought Award, The Do Not Mail List, 2019
Timothy J. Tuba Award for Academic Success, ███████ City Local, 1947
Purple Heart, (various United States governmental boards), years 1942-45, 1952-1953, 1967-1972
Most Vocal Hatred of California, Ronald Reagan Library, 2009
Not Guilty Verdict, Trump v. Dude ("The 'Cryptids Are People Too' Trial") (c) us215152617727
Silver Medal, French Legion of Honour (Legion des Honourr), 2017
Golden Globe Award for Best Short Film, 2021 (See: The Furs 2)
VGA Best in Show Award, 2023 (See: Poker Game Official)
Largest ♥♥♥♥, Bohemian Grove Penis Inspection Meeting, years 1992-2019
Last Surviving "Person" Born in 1892, Guinness Book of World Records
Last Surviving "Person" Born in the 19th Century, Guinness Book of World Records
President of the United States of America, January 20th 2037 - January 20th 2045





















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