"When Pam gets Michael's old chair, I get Pam's old chair. Then I'll have two chairs. Only one to go." - Creed Bratton

"I remember it was very late at night, like 11:00, 11:30. Big fella comes in screaming about God knows what. I think maybe Halpert had stolen his car, something like that. So the big fella pulls out a sock filled with nickels. Then Schrute grabs a can of hairspray and a lighter..." - Creed Bratton

"Did one of you tell Stanley that I have asthma. 'Cause I don't. If this gets out, they won't let me scuba. And if I can't scuba, what am I working toward?" - Creed Bratton