Ü w Ü

i stick my penis in the Large Hadron Collider at CERN
i begin to edge myself to my own nudes
infinite ♥♥♥
infinite orgasm
infinite ♥♥♥
♥♥♥ never stops coming out my pp
i run in the bathroom
i aim my piece towards the tub
it fills up in seconds
i fill the backroom
i try to pinch my dingdong tip closed
it makes my insides hurt
i make to the basement but fill it even faster
the ♥♥♥ accelerates
i call 911
paramedics call for doctors
doctors call for specialists
i turn down montel and good morning america
our group forms a cult
volunteers from all 7 continents arrive with buckets and shovels
im now completely used to the stickiness
the ♥♥♥ accelerates
i get dragged outside, my pants down, by paramedics
our cult kills them
the ♥♥♥ accelerates
the shovelers abandon the buckets as the earth in my yard saturates and floods
live ♥♥♥ aid concert is being held a few blocks over
13 million show up
the ♥♥♥ accelerates
a candlelight vigil forms around my sticky white house
three workers get washed away
two drown
their last words barely registering in my ears - “dear gogrruggllgg"
the ♥♥♥ accelerates
a brave fireman uses a ladder to try and create a bridge to me
but it never reaches
i attempt to swim towards the rescue party
the ♥♥♥ accelerates
the force now propels me forward and upward
vigil goers grab at my arms as i twirl upside down
my ♥♥♥ dowses their candles
the Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers
the ♥♥♥ accelerates
i am in the air
30 feet
the ♥♥♥ engulfs the entire vigil and my house
60 feet
the ♥♥♥ accelerates
the sticky torrent underneath me is deafening
5 million Facebook live viewers
i try again to close up shop but my thumb and wrist are broken by the force
i warn the mayor to evaluate the city
everyone is cleared out within the hour
120 feet
my house explodes
the ♥♥♥ accelerates
1000 feet
i am now being tracked on radar
i try to change your angle of ascent
i should have thought of that way earlier
the ♥♥♥ accelerates
4,000 feet
NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3 concentric circles of waves of semen engulf philadelphia
im on the phone with the governor
just do it man
better to be on the safe side
thank odin he listens
the ♥♥♥ accelerates
i have broken the sound barrier
30,000 feet
pennsylvania is wiped off the face of the map
i no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain full consciousness
60,000 feet
NPR and Al Jazeera are reporting on all the world records ive broken
200,000 feet
i reach .5c velocity
i am barely conscious and not well hydrated
the ♥♥♥ accelerates
.9c velocity time dilation begins to really kick in
.9945c Lorentz factor is 10
i age 10 times slower than everyone else as my velocity and mass increases
99.999% light speed
i can see individual photons inching past me
my orgasm finally converts me to pure energy
i reach light speed and become immortal as my body disintegrates into glorious jizz contrails
NASA can no longer track me
i am one with the entire universe
the ♥♥♥ accelerates
forever