Recent reviews by JonnyLectron

I promise I'm not a 2007 Facebook mom.


Match colored balls!
Spinning Frog!
Marbles!
High Scroes!

5/10 because ZUMA!

This game is just plain boring after the nostalgia wears off, but it has a short run time and is set in WW2.
Honestly, it wasn't bad for $1 on sale.

+Lithtech engine, nearly the same iteration as First Encounter Assault Recon.
+Plays very similarly
+Theme was nice

~Runs after enabling compatibility for Windows XP sp3.
~Runs better in 4x3, run it in 1920x1440 or 1440x1080 for the best performance without stretching.
~2 hour run time.

-After the nostalgia for F.E.A.R. wears off, and the novelty for playing with WW2 themed stuff in the same engine wears off, the game is just extremely bland.
-Very little in the way of ambiance.
-Not enough explosions.
-No shotgun.
-No slow motion mechanic.
-Snap to cover blind firing, but in first person. This has nearly gotten me killed on many occasions, because if the player model is too close to anything he will try to blind fire and expose the body to pot shots from the enemy. It seriously sucks.
-Constant loading/checkpoint stuttering. I would have absolutely hated to have played this back in the day on an old spinning hard drive.

5/10 on sale.
3/10 if full price because Grand daddy Pointman never had slow motion.

Welcome to Vice City, home of a city full of vice. Hookers, blow, fast cars, and big guns. They have it all if you look anywhere with your eyes. The city is even lit up at night, and its all 1980s. You are Tommy Vercetti, a recently released felon who works for the mob up in Liberty City. Those guys are clowns, so their names don't matter. What matters is that Tommy is here to build a drug smuggling empire, and then pay up to the mobsters that got him out of prison. Problem is they want more than is sustainable, and then Tommy gets the good old double cross. You really should play this game if you want to know more, its incredible.

+The original, unaltered sound track for this game was MAGNIFICENT!
+New area in the GTA universe
+Criminal revenge plot.
+Car chases
+Motorcycles (this was the first time in the series!)
+Sweet views
+New mission types, they still boil down to over glorified fetch quests, but at least they have some dynamics and plot line.
+The story line is EXCELLENT!

-The classic GTA engine shenanigans. Everything from physics to rendering issues, its all here and hasn't gotten any better since the last game.
-Fire damage.
-Can't swim...

7/10 WhErE's mY mOnEy ToMmY?!?

Very good, and really compliments the game.

Also, it's free!

This is Logistique, a Half-Life 2 mod set during the events of Half-Life 2. You are Adam, and you have a wife to find.

+Voiced protagonist!
+New weapons!
+New mechanics! The fact that Adam doesn't have an HEV suit really stinks, but the fact that he doesn't have an HEV suit also means you don't have a HUD! No worries, the game will teach you how to adjust to that, and its a nice change of pace.
+The set design, audio and visual, is very good. This really felt like it was made by someone at Valve, or whomever made the original maps. Very good.

~Runs poorly, and frequently stutters when loading new assets up. That might be my system, but who knows.
~Short run time, 2 hours for the average Source enjoyer.

-The platforming level. The whole thing sucks due to the Source engine icy floor, sticky walls and corners, and sudden movement changes. Also, that flashing light absolutely blows, and whoever thought that the players eyesight should be obscured while being dragged of a cliff by a big-ass magnet is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ jerk.
-No act 2 yet. 404: wife not found.
-Voiced protagonist that doesn't EXPOSE what the player should do next. I don't need a game to hold my hand, but the point of a voiced protagonist is to ensure the player is aware of in-universe stuff. A silent protagonist is designed to force the player to hunt for information, whether from NPC encounters or straight from the environment. Having Adam say 'oh, that looks explosive' or 'oh hey, I guess up is the only way to go' would do wonders for the oblivious gamer. The designers and voice actor need to decide if the protagonist is going to be silent or not, and stick to it! Half of my playtime was spent wandering, because unfortunately, Adam is just as oblivious as I am.

-7/10 When is the gender reveal party, and should I bring snacks?

This game is just ok. If you have played a source engine game, you've played this. Its alright, and its free.
There several 'classes' to pick from, which boils down to what mix of tools you have. Each class has a different primary and secondary weapon, as well as a different tool.
There are a total of 3 enemy variant. Slow, Fast, and Tank.
There are a few maps, all with the objective of either bombing the place and running, or completing waves of survival.
If you are new to Steam and don't want to spend any money, this will work. If you want a free cooperative experience, this will work.
If you want any form of in depth game play, or lore, this won't work.

5/10 Free game is free.

This game is mostly dead now, but it's basically Day of Defeat Source with a bunch of elements from Heroes & Generals, and Insurgency.

Rip in peace.

This is the first of many entries into the beloved Serious Sam series. Serious Sam Stone gets sent back in time to stop Mental from destroying Sam's future-present while also trying not to break the past-tense of time and creating a paradox, in HD. Sounds complicated, right?


+Almost non stop action in HD
+A serious tone in HD
+A serious protagonist in HD
+A serious set of firepower in HD
+Revolvers in HD
+Vast open spaces, packed with enemies, all on low system requirements even for the time. This was a big deal to low end gaming system at the time of release, all in HD.
+Dynamic OST, which was also a big deal at the time of release. Unlike Unreal 2, or anything using old DirectX and Windows Media plugins, it still works here on modern hardware, now in HD.
+A serious shotgun in HD.

-Desert theme. I get it, most developers use desert or arid themes in their first real releases on a new engine. The reason is 2 fold, number one creating assets for a desert/arid region is easy. Brown, tan, no need for water physics or water reflections, no need for foliage transformation/physics, constant lighting that doesn't need to change. Number two is that because of the lack of the need for dynamic lighting or a bunch of tech stuff, it runs better and is easier to optimize. Still, deserts suck, even in HD.
-OST can just drone on and on due to how long the levels play out, but at least they are in HD.
-Too much empty space with a slow player movement speed, but it allows one to enjoy how HD the environment is.
-Secrets that activate and punish the player, in HD.

7/10 because this is seriously in HD.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWaEr_22qQs

You can be Deeeer.

420/69 its like Goat Simulator.

Good luck getting into a good lobby.
RIP in peace.