Recent reviews by matt

What is "the sex"? Scientists have been studying this dark topic for years. "The sex" has been reported as far back as the 1920s, where "the sex" was featured in the newspapers around the world. It has been described as a "jolting, riveting experience" by Roger Ebert, who later went on to rate "the sex" 1 out of 4 stars. Very few people have had this "sex", and even fewer have lived to tell the tale. The survivors are much too traumatized to recall the "sex". After decades of searching for the answer, a developing team creates "How Do You Do It?", which is a true game, which talks about the most mysterious thing ever to grace the face of this Earth. If you do not know what this "sex" is, this game will blow your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ mind.

Slaughtering Grounds is very intense. So intense, that my computer refuses to play it at a solid framerate. It often crashes, but I assume that's an integral part of the game. The developers surely put in the time and effort to craft this masterpiece into what it is today. I dropped out of school to play this game 24/7. I no longer speak to my family, and I never leave my room. I keep a fridge close by stocked with Cheetos, Doritos, Fritos, and Mountain Dew. I've lost all my friends to this monolith of a game. I've gained 75 pounds since I first got this game.

Sometimes I look back at my life and realize all the opportunities that I could've had, all the friends I could have made, all the money I could have earned. But you know what? Those things are meaningless to me now. I've experienced pure bliss, and my heart can finally rest knowing I've enjoyed a masterpiece that very few people will ever uncover.

#NoRegrets

10/10

I work at a meme factory. Every day I make memes for hungry customers. One day this woman, probably about 60 years old walks in and requests a piping hot meme. When I pull out this meme, I ask for 6 shekels, which is the price. She cannot afford the meme and offers me a copy of Call Of Duty Ghosts to pay for this top quality meme. I accept it.

I go home, and pop in the old COD game. The game starts up, but then stops at the title screen. A midget, dressed in a penis costume, jumps out of the computer monitor and starts to punch my ♥♥♥♥. He gives it the old right hook, then the left hook, then the right, then the left, then the right, then the left, then the right, then the left, then the right, then the left, then the right, then the left, then the right, then theleft, then the right, then the left, then he takes a bite, then the right, then the left, then the right, then the left, then the right for the last time. I ask him what is going on and I look at my poorly beaten ♥♥♥♥. He says, "This is COD Ghosts. You are welcome." The man keeps punching me until I close the game.

The next day I bury the game in my backyard and cry for seven straight weeks.

COD Ghosts will break you.

COD Ghosts will end you.

This is Ultimate Frisbee Deathmatch in Tron.

I used my own email to play the game, not my parents email. Please don't get me banned

They should Takedown this game from steam if you catch my drift.

I went into this with very low expectations. I honestly wasn't expecting much, but here goes.

This is the WORST video game I've ever played.

THE WORST.

Now, why am I complaining so much? Let me start with the technical issues. 1. I was greeted with a resolution setting that only goes up to 1680 x 1050. Not even 1080. That pissed me off. 2. The graphics. This looks like Half-Life 1, and for a game that is awfully new, it should looks somewhat okay, but it doesn't. This game tries to shove in your face that it has bloom and SSAO in it, but seriously, even with them, the game still looks like ♥♥♥♥. 3. Voice Acting. Dreadful. 4. Highest mouse sensitivity is still really slow for a person like me who likes to have a high mouse sensitivity.

Alright, the story. Nothing special. And by that I mean pretty much non-existent. You and a bunch of "teammates" go to the castle, after it has been attacked. Turns out the girl of your dreams has been taken. Now you have to get her back. And there you go. I'm not gonna complain about the small amount of story I've been given, because honestly, I just want to try the hack and slash.

The first level. Why they made it so complicated did not make any sense to me. The first level started off with a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ keyhunt. It made no sense. It confused the living hell out of me. I needed to use a walkthrough, on the FIRST LEVEL. That's just awful. The area was big and the objects were all over the place. The controls were poor and didn't really help this game out at the slightest. Everything about this game just screamed wrong. For everyone asking about the keyhunt, imagine trying to find keys that do not even show up. That's right, you can't actually see them. Not to mention, you need a torch to even find one of them, which is just silly, because if there's a key there, then I wouldn't need a torch to actually see the key. It's a pointless quest to go find keys to open chests with other keys. But have I mentioned the fact that you literally have to walk on the walls to get an item you need? Yes, you do. You walk on the walls. YES. You literally jump on a small side railing on the wall, basically hovering to the side of it when you walk on it. I'm sorry, but I would never be able to figure that out because in a video game, I've never had to do that to actually get something. I just found that bizarre.

Then the main section of the game. The fighting. Oh my.
OH MY. OHH.
You get three attacks. All of which are ♥♥♥♥ and don't feel natural. Combat was godawful. All you do is stab the enemy, move back, then just keep doing that until it's dead. That's it. That's the game. Oh my god. The attacks are all mapped to mouse buttons, including the middle mouse. I went immediately to change it, but WAIT, you can't change the controls. But for some reason, they have options for Bloom and SSAO instead of options for controls. Come on. Congratulations, you have shader effects. Yay.

This is the worst. Day One, Walking Dead Survival Instinct, and Postal 3, are all better than this. I didn't want to say this, but I had to. I'm here for you so you can save money. I would not wish this on my worst enemies. My point has been made. Nothing in this game works properly. Everything is bad.

0/10. This is a technical nightmare. Even if this game looks fun to you (which it really shouldn't), remember that it is 10 bucks, and you can do so much more with the ten bucks. I'm genuinely upset that I spent nine dollars on this.

It'll do.

I cut my own wood get the bandage

I only Like it.