When Chuck Norris wants eggs for breakfast, he cracks open a chicken.
Under Chuck Norris's beard there is no chin. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris does not write. He simply stares at the page, and the words assemble themselves out of sheer terror.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the glass shatters, because nothing is stupid enough to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't shave because the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once ran a marathon with his seat belt still on.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person to cry was the doctor. NOBODY slaps Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once cured a blind man. The first and last thing he ever saw was Chuck Norris's boot.
They once made a Chuck Norris themed toilet paper, but it wouldn't take ♥♥♥♥ from anyone.
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He stands on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris can break water in half.
Chuck Norris takes a week-long vacation every day.
Chuck Norris knows the square root of -1.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris does not have a "CTRL" key on his keyboard. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Once Chuck Norris killed a shark by drowning it.
They once named a street after Chuck Norris, but they had to rename it because no one can cross Chuck Norris and live.
Time waits for no man, unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once slapped a criminal ten blocks away, giving rise to the phrase "long arm of the Law."
When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook, you can feel it.
Chuck Norris doesn't take steroids. Chuck Norris is technically banned from the Olympics because his entire body is considered a performance enhancing chemical. Of course, nobody has ever dared to enforce this.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, cars look both ways for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris takes the car to work he carries it on his shoulder.
Chuck Norris's blood type is AK-47
If Chuck Norris broke the sound barrier or the speed of light, it would never recover.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris can speak braille, and hear sign language.
Chuck Norris doesn't play God. Playing is for children.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerkey.
Chuck Norris only needs to know one word in sign language. It stands for Pain, and consists of a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris has never caught a cold. We know this because colds still exist.